


Morality

by Artisanthemage



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force sight, Loss of Virginity, Misuse of the Force, Possessive Behavior, fear of sex, kylo being unwilling to understand your morals, kylo is a asshole, slight rape kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-08-20 15:10:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artisanthemage/pseuds/Artisanthemage
Summary: You just came to get the General's cat, that is all, but in the process the Commander found you fascinating it someway... You think you he has a virgin kink, a thing for corrupting innocence. You might be right. Hoping that shutting him down will give him the hint you don't want would save you.It didn't, not in the slightest.(rewritten)





	1. Morality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Ren scares you and you think he as a virgin kink.
> 
> Note: So, I started rewriting this to have more storyline to it. To know a friend and you readers really like this makes me so happy since I started writing this while a Freshmen in College.

Millicent has gotten out of the General’s quarters when he left for his morning shift; you are called to get his cat and care for her. You basically had to do a scan of the whole ship tracing her species. The cat is in the Commander’s quarter, why you are not sure, and you must go get her. At first, you think it would be a good idea to tell the General where Millicent is and for him to go get her, but you are the cat’s caretaker while he works. Plus, you fear you are bothering him over something insignificant. With all your courage you go to his quarter (noting that he is by the trash compactor in case). The moment you make a motion to press the button on the control panel on the wall, the door slides open. You take is as a juster to come in.

Let it be known that you believe in the Maker, that this a being that created the worlds and the Force. You swear the Maker is testing you for the moment you walked into the Commanders you see the most tempting sight that any person would have fainted, drool, or jump half-naked naked Commander petting a curled up Millicent on his bed. He is naked with only a blanket over his waist over. Seeing him with his mask or his clothes has you flustered. His brown eyes looking at frozen form a few feet away from his bed. “Fleet Technician,” To hear his voice, you never heard his voice before, is scary.

Are you going to die?

He chuckles, “You aren’t going to die. Come closer.” You do but just a foot closer. His rolls his eyes while moving to sit up on the bed, lucky the blanket still covers him. “I just want to see you. To meet Hux’s favorite.” You never consider yourself to be the General’s favorite. He allows you take care of his cat because you have experience with taking care of them. “That’s not true--”

“Has he touched you?”

“What!?” You snapped off causing Millicent to wake up looking at you with slow blinking eyes. “I--I mean no, sir. I am saving myself for marriage.” 

A quick shut down to stop anymore questions; this should allow you some time to run away from the lounging Commander on his bed. Why did he have be naked and asking you such questions!? You only came in his room to get back Millicent, who conveniently went back sleeping next to him.

“Marriage,” He hums looking away. “Hux does not seem like the marrying type but,” He looks back up at you. “We can get married now.” He said so calmly like it wasn’t a big deal.

“No, that’s not how it works, sir!” The kriff! Does he not understand there are steps that have to be made in order to get married? Like maybe getting to know each other first! “I’m sure Hux wouldn’t mind playing the part of the priest to sanctify our marriage.”

“Sir, with all due respect I do not believe you would make a good husband.” You really just want to leave now.

“I would give you a wonderful honeymoon. Probably have it on Naboo.”

“Honeymoons only last but so long, sir.” You sigh in exasperation, “I will not marry you just because you want to have sex.”

“Living by such a dull moral compass-”

“Commander, I just came here of the cat not your cock.” With that you grabbed Millicent holding her in your arms safely. “Good day, sir.” You are blotting out of his quarters in no time. With Millicent clinging to your jacket you don’t even go to the General’s quarters to return her, no, you go to his office and shove her in his hands. He was just about to leave to find you. Bluish eyes look down at you sternly and (e/c) eyes look up at him with red cheeks. “Please do not have me go searching for her again, sir.” The panic has taken him a back. You are not scared easily, at least you think so, nor do ever demand things from your superior. But, Hux knows why you are like this. The tracker on you commlink told him you were in Ren’s quarters. You take a step back away from General Hux letting him walk out with Millicent in his arms purring happily with her owner. “Did he touch you?” Stars know that is last thing he wants to deal with is a report of sexual harassment about Ren. Bad enough they are jokes on the ship about Ren calling the Force user ‘Oh, no Kylo’ or ‘Rapy Renny’. Normally jokes like that do not phase the man but when they start involving calling him ‘Gentleman Hux’, it needs to stop. 

You shake your head, “No, I just grew uncomfortable. I apologize, sir.”

Hux nods in acknowledgement, “I will not have you explain yourself further, but I will walk with you back to your shift.”

“What about Millicent?” Your concern over yourself and more for his cat is rather amusing, he does not show it.

“She will be fine.”

* * *

When you are alone in your section of the ship checking over repairs from the technician, your mind wanders to earlier that morning. You wonder if the only reason the Commander spoke to you is because of your rank. A Fleet Technician, a technician that if killed will not be missed. You sigh when you see a flaw in the work a technician and move down to repair the wiring. Maybe after he was done with your body he might have killed you? Mind wondering if he has a virgin kink, Maker that the last thing you need! You are pulled from your thoughts when heavy steps coming towards your direction has you naturally think they are stormtrooper steps and readied your wrench in case this one tries to act stupid. Instead, it is the Commander causing you to rise up in repeat, but he told you to keep working as he talked. “You really are sticking to your morality.” You knew he is mocking you. Even with the mask on you can hear the mocking tone.

“Yes, sir, I plan to save myself until marriage.” You reply snapping the wire out of place. The wiring plastic has melted on the metal of the console. 

“What is the point if there a chance you make never get married,” He watches as you fiddled with the control panel, “Die a virgin or your partner decides to–”

“I get it, sir!” You snap off at him as you finally got the panel to open, “I mean I understand, sir, all possible things that could happen.”You quickly changed your tone. The Commander standing beside you does not say a word for a solid minute, watching you rewire some circuits. “You work for monsters,” His words have you stop and look him. “Murderers in fact and yet you have some semblance of a moral compass. Odd.” He walks away only after ruffling your hair like you were some animal. You scowled at him, seeing him walk down the hall until he was out of your visual range. ‘Screw him.’ Is what you think as you went back to work. 

Once work was finished you were happy to go your bunk and crash without dinner, but sleep did not come easily to you. No, your thoughts kept wondering about the Commander’s words. He is right in some way… You were working for the “bad guys” sort of speak. You never thought the First Order as the bad guys, yes they have done so questionable things but this is war! One life for the many. You toss around in your cot and grumbled. You sighed feeling conflicted slightly. Why did his words make you question yourself let alone what and who you work for? “I am no traitor!” You tell yourself. 

You are not a traitor and you will not let his words make you question your moral code.

The next time you see the Commander, alone, you are in a turbo lift going to the upper level of the ship to a meeting. The Commander is quietly staring at the lift doors, you think he is staring at them. 

“Permission to speak freely, sir.” You looked up at him. 

“Permission granted, technician.” He sounds curious about what you have to say for yourself even though he could just invade your mind to see, but he rather hear you say it. You took a deep breath before going off. “Sir, I am no traitor. I may work for by some other people’s standards for the ‘bad guys’,” You made air quotes with your hands, “But I am fine working on this ship, with the First Order, and yeah I will keep having my moral compass, sir.” You move in front of him standing your ground, looking straight into his visor. You shifted a little nervous as he continued to look at you for the next few seconds. “Sir?” He moves pass you when the lift door opens, walking away from the scene. You let out a breath not even realizing you were holding one in. You expected to get choked or strike down by the Commander but nothing happened.

  
  


_ Maybe he might leave you alone? _

 


	2. Cats and Types

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You enjoy being around Millicent and her owner. Too bad Kylo Ren ruins everything.

During the night shift, you are nine times out of ten in Hux’s quarters with Millicent caring for her needs for affection. But lately she has seemed depressed and you may know why. "I think she's getting worst," You say while petting the orange cat.The small cat purred under your touch rolling over onto her back so you could pet her stomach too. You smile gladly petting her and calling her sweet little pet names.

Hux did not move nor watch you play with his cat. The cat’s owner sits with multiple holo screens in front of him; too many reports most repair bills from Kylo's tantrums. You admire his ability to multitask so easily. But he really needs to relax, "Sir?"

His eyes glanced over at you, your face looking concern over his cat. "I can not give her my time at the moment, technician."

You sigh silently at his response. You pity Millicent a little bit, her own owner will not give her the time nor day and has to rely on you to give her attention. "Why do you keep her then....?" You said under your breath picking up the cat and holding her in your arms. A soft click and light tap on the desk, "She is important that is why I keep her, technician (L/N)." Hux reply making you spit out an apology quickly. You look up from the spot on the couch at him. He looks tired, hair neat as usual but uniform jacket unzip midway revealing his undershirt, he slouches against his chair instead of sitting up straight with his eyes closed. It is like he trusted you to be in such vulnerable state. You stood up with Millicent in your arms. He eyes open half way when you placed his cat on his unoccupied lap, "It seems you need her right now, sir." Millicent made it her business to curl up on the General's lap. "Hm, it appears so." He pets the cat's fur lazily. 

This made you smile showing some teeth, "Goodnight, sir." 

"Night, technician."

 

Ending the night in General Hux’s company or rather be the General’s company for the evening even if is just for a playmate for Millicent is a good night. You enjoy walking in the silent ship in the nearly empty halls of the Finalizer, listening to the soft hums of the ship. It was relaxing.

"You like older men." The monotone altered voice came from behind causing you scream jumping away turning around and facing him. Well, until he appeared to ruin it. You did not have to wear your fleet technician helmet during after hours so the Commander can see the scared frowning face.

"Redheads especially." 

Your eyes widen slightly realizing his is reading your mind. You open your mouth to tell him to stop only to opt to bite the inside of your cheek while looking away, a blush forming in embarrassment. You move and so does he until you are both right outside your quarters. Only Ren is blocking your way to access the panel. "Sir, I would like to enter my quarters." You stated. "In just a minute, fleet technician." You do not want to be around him another second. Moving to reach behind to reach the panel allowed him to step forward pressing your bodies closer together. Then his hand coming up hovering over your face. You have heard the rumors of his ability to read people's minds, how he is holding a hand out to take what he wants from them. You immediately put your mental walls up, a skill all First Order members learn in the academy.

"What are you hiding?" His hand closer to your face.

You squirmed under the intense force of his power. "Sir, stop it." 

He pushes further then pulled away quickly, his hand back to his side. "Tall or short. Tall you prefer because you like it when someone hovers over you, make you feel safe. " He started, "Interesting...Mitaka is ideal but Hux is preferred." He chuckled, "For a virgin, you are certainly selective and sure of what you want." It feels like an invasion. An unnecessary invasion on what you desire in a person. You were not able to respond instead your gaze went to looking at the floor only staring at the black boots of your uniform. Ren moved aside finally letting you punch in the code to open your share quarters door. He made no move to follow you in which you guess is be got what he wanted from you. Once inside, your roommate already sleeping, your body sliding down against door. You felt violated in some way, like as if he took something away from you. You threw your helmet across the room making it hit the wall causing your roommate to wake a bit from her sleep. “Hey!” She perked up from the top bunk ready to yell but once she saw your dissolved form. “Oh, shit.” You are thankful for having a roommate that is kind like the one you have now. Getting up from the bunk, jump down, hugging your shaken body.

You couldn't file a report on him. 

He is the Commander and he technically did not sexually assault you but it still hurt. You curled up against your friend in a ball as you tear up. All he did was take stupid information about your sexual preference! But why does it feel like it was more than that! 


	3. Kylo Ren, You Little Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is done with Ren. You are still afraid of Ren.

Funny, after that evening things return to normal meaning the Commander was not going out of his way to bother you. You pray thanking the Maker above for the peace. Though with that peace a new thing started to happen. Dreams, not the usual dreams you are used to. The dreams you started having are… Lewd ones. You never had dreams like this before, yes, you may have read varies romance novel, but none of them cause dreams like this. A normal officer, you believe, who enjoy such dreams. You do not enjoy these dreams. Sex scares you, the fear of being put in such a vulnerable position scares you; virgin with trust issues. Along with penetration, sex does not really appeal to you.

The dreams at first depict that fear resulting in you always waking up in a cold sweat feeling violated greatly. Then as if realizing the damage it causes you it started to change. Giving you that relaxed, trusting feeling of what you believe to be is love. The partner was gentle trying to relax you in every way. Kissing leaving you wanting more, breathless. Their hands wandering but never pushing too far that has you scared. In return you touch them, loving them, understanding what they like as well. Once the dreams found what you liked it gave the figure a voice, an odd mixture of General Hux and Commander Ren's voice. Body type also mixed as well.

As good as the dreams are you wanted them to stop. 

You do not like thinking such perverted thoughts, especially during work, especially when one of your bosses is a mindreader. You don’t allow the dreams to affect your work, but you did ask for a transfer. Hux, of course, rejected the request. No, surprise really because you take care of cat when he cannot. 

"Fleet Technician (L/N)," You turned around to see the Lieutenant Mitaka standing with a datapad in his hand, "General Hux will like to see you in his office immediately after the TIE fighter routine check." 

“Yes, sir." You stood at attention. He gave a small nod before turning around and leaving. You like receiving news from Mitaka, he is the nicer of the two of your bosses. Phasma is another you kinda like if only you did not have to see your reflection on her helmet. After Mitaka left you, to do whatever that he does, you started to finish up your routine TIE fighter check. You left you datapad with your Second to ensure the other technicians are updated. Then you started making your way to the General's office. Each step raising up you anxiety with your mind racing in speculation:

_ Why did the General have the Lieutenant personally order you to see him? _

_ Has Millicent gotten worse? _

_ Was it about the transfer request, was he offended? _

By the time you are at his door you thought about acting like you are sick and had to go to med bay. Course faith being ever so cruel makes the door open right in front of you revealing General Hux standing behind his desk. “Come in, technician." He sounds calm angry at least you think he does. You have seen General Hux angry before, everyone has, mostly when he is dealing with Commander Ren. You hoped to Stars and Maker that Hux is not angry with on that level. You walk in quickly almost jumping out of your own skin when the door slammed shut behind you.

“Take a seat, Fleet Technician,” Him saying your full title is causing more anxiety. “You are going to need it." He walks in front of the desk folding his arms against his chest. The look and body language of the General is a calm anger. You took a seat, "Sir, please I can explain the transfer.” You start in hopes the fear you have for him will lessen your punishment, whatever that may be. Hux raises his hand signaling you to stop talk before his speaks.

"It has come to my attention that Commander Ren has become fond of you." Each word lace in utter disgust. You tense fearful and becoming thankful for the helmet covering your face. 

But Hux can still read your body language. "Is this true, Fleet Technician?" 

"No… yes.. Maybe, sir?" You reply with your head up but playing with your hands nervously.

"Which is it?"

"Sir, I don't think the Commander is fond of me.He has spoken to me but nothing to cause such--"

The General’s hand is raised again signaling for you to stop talking. "Remove your mask." He ordered. You raised your hand up to your helmet lifting it off your head and resting the helmet on your lap. "Look me in the eyes and lie to me again, Fleet Technician." You coward in the chair, head down eyes on your helmet, "General, sir, I-I don't know if he is fond of me."

"Guess intruding into your mind won't give you have impression or maybe cornering you from entering your quarters." 

Now you look up at Hux in complete shock.

“I know everything that happens on my ship, (L/N)." He said, "Ren had also made it his point to try transfering you under his command. I rejected the request add that he must not interact with you any longer."

You sighed in relief. 

“But it seems he has not complied." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "The arrogant fool." He shook his head as he put his hand down.

You looked confused, "Sir, I don't understand."

"I will let Ren confess his stupidity." As if on cue the door to the office open pulling your attention away from Hux. "So glad you could join us, Ren." The tall darkly dressed man stood besides your seat making look forward at Hux. "Care to explain why you are here?" You did not realize how nervous you are until Hux ordered you to stop shaking. Ren from you could guess is amuse by this from the way he stared at you through his mask. "I have been project my thoughts to your fleet technician." "And why is that?"

"Don't question me like a child, Hux."

"My apologies but last I checked you certain like one." The bickering continued above you between the two men. Kylo even step up to Hux, and Hux did the same to Kylo. "You dared sexually assault a member of my crew."

“I only watched her dreams."

"Which you cause!" Hux snapped.

"If she wants them to stop all she has to do is say so." Ren looked over at you, "Would you like them to stop, (L/N)?"

“Of course she does you fool!"

"Let her answer, General." Hux snarled at the other man in charge. "I-I would like them to stop, s-sir." You really wish you were just in your room cuddling Millicent now. 

 

“Consider it done, technician."


	4. A Office Crush and Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings and Matt

The dreams stopped just like the Commander promise. Hux made sure to that the Commander did not come near you under any circumstances. Finally, true peace allowing you to work without stress or being forced to allow your mind to wander back to lewd dreams. You return to your routine, checks, training, sitting in a small office writing reports.  The restraining order on Commander Ren signed off by Hux makes you think you should have said something sooner. You are happy about this yet worried too.

_ Since when has ever the Commander listen to the General _ ? 

That is what has you at times after your shift looking over your shoulder or waiting for your roommate to come back from her shift to sleep. Never in your professional life have you felt so unsafe. You sigh feeling the fatigue start to hit you. The less sleep you get the more likely Ren may appear. You believe in that mantra you keep internally saying. Once you finished submitting the repair and examination reports you started looking at the new recruits. Now that the Starkiller base construction is finished now came the testing and adjusting phase; everything must be perfect. Most of the recruits have some sort experience in the engineering field from Academy training. Most are men, few women, but one stands out the most. Matt. Just Matt. At first, you look at the profile and think it is just another blonde guy, a cute one until you read the bottom half of the profile.

Signed off by Commander Kylo Ren….

Why in all the galaxy would Commander Ren sign off on a technician? That set of some alarms, one of them causing you file a request to meet Matt once he is sent to Starkiller base. You want to know what makes this man so special that the Commander signed off on him, and being on high alert after what happened.

 

You do not want to be caught in a trap or something.

* * *

 

Once the shift is over and you are packed to leave for Starkiller base the following day. Being a fleet technician requires a lot of you, so much that you welcome even more so going to Hux’s quarters. Once you are at the new First Order base you won’t be able to see Millicent or Hux, unless it is for business. Punching in the codes Hux’s provided you for the day you enter the quarters welcomed by meowing. Millicent rolling all over the blue couch, the only thing that stands out in the room aside from the cat. “Come here, Milly.” You call her over with a pat on your thigh getting her get up from her spot strolling over to you. “Hungry?” You speak her as if she could reply. You know the General likely fed her during the morning so there is some food crumbles in the bowl now. You fill up the bowl once finding where Hux placed the cat food. You crouch down petting the orange cat as she happily eats. A year ago you would have left the room after feeding the cat just to not make Hux look bad. Rumors spinning ideas that you and the General are an item as if Hux would give you the time or day. You think at least. You are once graced to be so close to him due to a cat, you love that cat mind you, but a cat. Nothing special to catch his eyes. Odd, you are only close to Hux cause Hux allows it but Commander Ren went up and uncomfortably beyond to have you. Have you in what way you only think is sexual. Guess the Commander is the only willing to give you and time and day.

Depressing.

You did not react when Millicent’s owner came in rubbing his neck, tossing his jacket on the couch. He only stopped moving with he saw you with the cat. Without the helmet, likely taken off for Millicent’s comfort, you look relaxed. Now, the General never will think of his officers romantically, both due to his rank and just professionalism. He does need the headache of a relationship or the liability hanging over his head. But, he has to admit you are in a way attractive. Physically even mentally. The moral system you stand by is admiral one he can respect. His hand hovers over your head tempted to touch you but thinking better of it placing his hand at his side, he clears his throat drawing your attention. “Oh, hello, General!” There a hidden joy in your tone that Hux believes is caused by the cat. Hux opens his mouth to speak maybe say something kind, nearly out of character yet it does not. “You can leave once you are done.” That is all just orders spoken. You nod saying a low ‘Yes, sir.’ before he lives in his bedroom, the door closing behind him instantly. Then he came back out only with his jacket halfway unzipped.

“Drink with me.” 

During your times taking care of Millicent, Hux never relaxed around you. Not until a year into your care for the cat. It was a casual occasion that called for a drink. Ren being annoying, destroy First Order property. Hux did not drink though unless you drank with him not wanting to be completely vulnerable. This happens once or twice, only when he grew accustomed to your company, both times he has not tried anything on you. Naturally, you trusted your superiors, they are your superiors and you hope they have all the member of the First Order safety in mind. You do understand that no one will be coddled, you think Hux probably does not know the meaning of the word. Lucky, coddling is different from distressing. Something you much needed.

Two glasses filled, one handed to you. You down the drink since sipping only making the alcohol burn more in your throat. Why or how the General enjoys such harsh drinks. You learned before that drunk Hux is a talker.  Constantly complaining about the crew or Ren. Always Ren. But even drunk he is in control of himself. Drunk you just listen, mellowed, sleepy. 

 

You stayed the night sleeping on the blue sofa with nose buried in the pillow your General sits against.

* * *

 

Matt the newest technician must have tagged along with the Commander because he arrived sooner than you to the Starkiller base. Your office was not prepared yet! You had to come up with something quick as an excuse to size up the new ‘radar technician’.

An evaluation is the best you can do.

Matt is tall, close to Phasma’s height tall, slouches as if he doesn't like his own height, and blonde with glasses that look almost fake. He looks tense as if nervous. 

"So Matt, today I will be evaluating your work capably." With your helmet on and a datapad in hand.

His eyes look hard down at you, “Why?” 

Normally you do not mind being asked questions but the technician needed to add 'sir' or 'ma'am' at the end of his statements or inquiries towards you. You are a higher ranking technician to him. "Rephrase that question, radar technician." You make sure there a harshness in your tone. Matt shifts uncomfortably realizing his mistake. He does not apologize causing you to wonder if it is because you are a woman above his rank. Those are always around. How Captain Phasma deals with those types is a mystery but you think she can get beat them senseless. That is a dream. 

"Why, ma'am?" That sounded so forced.

"General Hux only wants the best of the best to work on the base, radar technician." He nods at your answer. "Now let's get started." 


	5. Breaking the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since when is Commander Ren cool or following the rules? Acting like some bad boy, more like man-child.

You grew up on Nar Shaddaa, a moon of the Hutta, where you learn your technical skills. You were very small, good for hiding; smart, good for talking your way in and out of scenarios; and good with your hand, great for keeping your worth. You left that hellhole when you meet a First Order Operative. An older man who loves spice and alcohol. The reason the officer took you in is one you to this day do not know. Whatever that reason is saved you a life of slavery or smuggling. These thoughts came to as you worked on blueprints to see why the ventral cannons kept overheating randomly. You had to readjust several of the kaber crystal lenses. All which were cleaned before placement. In your job, you can not risk mistakes nor overlook anything. All must be perfect. Something your life was not at a young age. You toss a glance at Matt who is working with another technician recalibrating the heating system. For past few days, it seems like anytime you are working Matt is nearby. At first, you thought nothing of it, maybe still do, but considering the man’s ties with the Commander. You are on edge.

Matt head perks up then look in your direction. 

You immediately turned away.

 

During the lunch break, you have two options: Officers cafe or Grunts Cafe. You like the ‘'Grunts Cafe’ aka lower ranks cafeteria since you most of the technicians in there. But, you like the Office Cafe due to the better coffee tea. That is it. Now you sat at the table beside another officer, a stormtrooper, and Matt. Matt was invited by the officer besides you. You eat the bland food without any issues since you are no focus on the food but on Matt. Matt who has not stopped talking about how amazing Commander Ren is or Kylo Ren as he informally calls the man. The stormtrooper looks ready to laugh at the way the radar technician seems to gush. 

“Sure, Matt.” He says.

You don’t really know what to say or how to react. All you know you feel is venom for the Commander, maybe that is why you snickered. Matt stops midway through to look at you across from him. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, uh,” You dropped your spoon in surprise. “It’s just I don’t… Agree.” You hid in yourself a bit. Matt frown looking both curious but annoyed. “May I ask why?” The officer looked a bit ready to leave as well as the stormtrooper. It is no real secret about what happened between Kylo Ren and yourself. Those who worked security saw you running out of his quarters with Hux’s cat in hand in fear, the time on the elevator and when Commander Ren confront you at your quarters. Rumors helping the ‘Rapy Renny’ idea. For some reason you can’t say no to the question, it felt like you needed to need Matt why.

“General Hux runs this base and the First Order. Without him we would be lost or even dead, ” Matt and the officer friend look taken aback. “The Commander rank is just honorary honestly, just a fancy toy the First Order has on hand.” You went off not even noticing the way Matt broke his plastic spoon. “If we were all under his leadership, Maker knows how bad the First Order would fall.” You stand up collecting your food tray. “Anyway back to work.” Leaving on that note.

* * *

Let it be known that everything you said to Matt, you would say to the Commander. If he wore a force inhibitor, strapped to the integration chair, and had only an hour to live. Yup, you are that fearful of the man. Walking down the hall to the turbo lift you like you are being stalked. The open of the black shiny halls echoing your footsteps do not help in any way. Once inside the lift you rapidly push the close button, and just when it is about to close. A black gloved hand grabs the door before it closes. You tense. The Commander appears from the side. Helmet facing helmet. You move to get away but his mass block you. “Stay.” There is no escape.

“It is against the restraining order,” You are more than terrified now. He tilts his head a bit as you go on. “General Hux--”

“I outrank him or do you believe my ‘'honorary rank’ holds no power?”

You want to fade away.

“Lord, sir--”

“Creative.” He has you now, shaking, pinned against the wall with the lift door closed. His hovers over you causing you start breathing hard. Your chest brushing against his. “Do you feel weak, Fleet Technician?”

“Yes, lord, sir.” You can't bring yourself to look up at him. Your view is only of his robe covered chest. “I want to leave.”

“The Order?”

“No, I want to leave the turbo lift,” Your helmet is hiding your tearing face. “Please.”

His helmet lightly taps yours causing you slide down to get away, but he holds you still with his power. No, not Force, just him. “Dominance scares you. You like to be in control at all times. Yet, you want to be controlled. Let someone handle your burdens.” He studying you, taking and explaining what he finds. You can't take it anymore this invasion! He steps back with still no escape. “Could you love me?” His last question has you spilling out your feelings.

“I could never love a  _ monster _ like you! You take and take only because you have power over me. You are like a spoiled child!” He does not move. Do not tense up or anything.

“These people here are not the bad guys you claim we are, they are all trying to place a peaceful orderly galaxy!” You stop to breathe.

“We are not, that you are correct. Though your beliefs would state otherwise.” He is calm, so calm it makes you nearly feel foolish. “In the end will your morals get in the way of the First Order’s demands?”

“Nerf-herder!” The turbo lift door opens the moment Commander Ren chuckles. Two officers are standing a step away from the lift, moving away from the invader turns and leaves. Both officers look at you in hints of worry and confusion. “Excuse me.” Is all you say before exiting.

What was that all about?!  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda got dark? And more and more the reader is confused about Ren.


	6. A Kiss, A Helmet Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says.

Training on the Starkiller base can be annoying and cold. Mostly the cold that you dislike greatly. Growing up on a Hutta moon you got used to the warm. You remember getting sick your first week in space. Not a fun experience. Now being a month in on the base with now more seasoned technicians. You can go back to being the Fleet Technician that is flexible and available meaning that you be can move anywhere your skills will be most needed.

Which seems the Commander sought an opportunity to now decided to play Hux’s role. Between him being near you, destroying consoles, and now this, you just hope he isn't making you repairing his ship.

Apparently, another base required your skills, so much so that you are transferred under the command of Commander Ren. Meaning breaking the restraining order much to General Hux’s displeasure.

_ He can't protect you forever. _

Ren made it his point to make you uncomfortable, another way he does this is by slipping his thoughts into your mind. Haunting you in every way, shape, and form.

He is not going to let you go.

With this happening your friend gifts you a file for you to read up on just for fun. When you board the shuttle you open the file and to no surprise, it is smutty literature. Honestly, this isn't a surprise, you know what your friend is about. Though how she found literature about having sex with Force user is beyond you.

If this is her way of making you feel better you would have preferred a star-crossed lovers tragedy.

Still, you read it figuring this is a better time killer than counting how off the shuttle’s pilot it even if is by an inch.

Must be a trainee.

* * *

 

 

The planet is called Kerroc, a rocky planet with high levels of electro storms. Both under the surface and above ground. At first, it looks like a just blue rocky mess, then you learn is just as bad as Mustafar just without lava. “Great.” You think realizing this must be Commander Ren’s way of flexing the power his has over you. The ship entered the planet’s atmosphere causing you look outside the pilot’s window to see what you are dealing with. You can see the base already. Arriving at the base you can already tell this going to keep you away from Starkiller base for at least a week or maybe more. This place is a damn mess! Whoever built this base needs to be fired! Did the designer not take into consideration that the electric storm could be used as an energy source or at least store the energy from the storm? Interesting this place reminds you of the Commander's chaotic personality.

_ How kind.  _

If he had any.

_ You’re pushing it. _

You wonder why he bothers to torment you with giving his opinions your personal thoughts. The one place that hoped was private is your mind. Apparently, that is a luxury. Before you leave the shuttle you are told to place armor on before you can travel outside. Safety first. You walk out wearing stormtrooper armor.

_ Would your moral code allow you to kill? _

His words echo as you walk with an actual trooper. Each step is cautious until you reach the supposedly safe base.

**_Maybe if you had some sense of morality you would know how to take a hint!_ **

Your thoughts are loud and full of rage. After a minute of no reply, you figure he gave up. The peace within your mind is a warm welcome. After several twists and turns down halls that scream adjustments, the trooper leads you to your personal quarters. “Your new datapad and uniform have already been delivered. Scheduling has been assigned. The Commander also wants you to see him right after you are changed. The observation room is upstairs to your left. There is a map on your datapad if you need it.” The trooper words are quick at not their own fault, the instability of the base would make anyone work quick. The door shuts and you shed the uncomfortable armor. How troopers where this is a praise to their training. Switching gear your uniform, in fact, does have under armor. Making sure to look appropriate and a blaster on your waist, you leave with a datapad in hand.

The turbo lift here is not functioning, no surprise, so you had to cross an unregulated bridge to the second level. The designer is officially on your shit list. The Commander, when you look up, is standing in front of the large window. That window is really unneeded. You arrived a minute later stumbling through the glitchy door.

“Unstable, damaged, in need of repair.” He speaks without turning to face you. “You believe me to be this weak.” Not a question as if he believes those are your views on him.

“No, sir… Unstable, yes.” You don't know how you are not choking or being tossed away.

“You will report to me once the areas of importance are repaired. Your team will be ready by tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.” Back to business.

“Remember: Hux can't keep you safe anymore.”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” You say.

He turns his head, “At your own risk.”

“I know you don't like General Hux nor he does you... I just can't help but… Do you like him?” 

He says nothing, only moves towards you, visor looking down at you. You can move away if you wanted, he is giving that power, but you remain in place. His helmet meets yours as if… kissing you.

 

He helmet kiss you and walked away. 

 

He helmet kiss you and walked away!? 

You are stuck standing in the room removing your helmet to exam it. Helmet kiss cannot count as a kiss since it isn't a real kiss. Just metal against metal, your first kiss is safe. Leaning down you tap your head against the metal of the helmet lightly. “What in the stars just happened?” You are confused. You have previously thought the Commander was tormenting you because of Hux. That he liked Hux. Sexual tension and all. The berating of your moral code, pointing out flaws, all you thought tactics of jealousy. Even the time he asked if you could love someone like him, mind games. The Commander is both confusing and terrifying at this point.

 

You are starting to wish you never went searching for Millicent. 


	7. Between Love and Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all started with a story. A romance story that has you cringing. Now you are stuck between a wall and your Commander. Each word he speaks is soft, nervous, lustful.
> 
> Love is scary.

The Sith believed that love is double-edged vibroblade; love can cause the fall of empires or the raise of them. Love is unpredictable thus why you never wanted to feel such things. Living on a smuggler moon, you have seen on the street people selling, buying love left and right. Love is what can get people in trouble for this reason you never acted on romantic feels. Once you did have a boyfriend back in the last year of your training. The man wanted to move fast, too fast, you were just trying to figure out what you like. You didn’t even kiss him the first week of dating. You didn’t hug him fully as if keeping the man you liked at arms distance. This adding to why he broke up with you, no, you never say you broke up with him since that is petty and untrue. He tried using it as a way to insult you to his friends, most thought you just weren’t into men. Maybe that is true since you have always found Captain Phasma attractive when in and out of her armor. Besides the point, you never wanted to love.

Until Hux caught your eye.

You have a weakness for redheads, something about the hair is a nice touch to the dashing man. The blue-green eyes that could have you staring for hours. And Stars, his height. His height is the cherry on the top of the cake. The nickname ‘Gentlemen Hux’ fits him too well if one looked past that his a General to an army bent on destroying the Republic. Maybe that adds to attractiveness. These feelings are ones you hold tightly in an unbreakable grip.

Until Commander Ren rips them from you.

You cannot think of any reason why you should like the Commander. Desirable if one looks at his very well developed body and wanting nothing more than a one-night stand with the man. Then perhaps you would like him, but you can’t. He is a mess of complex emotions you have no time nor need to solve. You only work with him without interaction. Yet, here you are on this planet forced to interact with the man. The planet is a chaotic world, beautiful and chaotic, with natural resources if given time can be mined. It has you thinking of how Hux views Commander Ren.  **_A useful asset_ ** . Nothing more, nothing less. Trying to dissociate around the Force user is almost impossible, he grabs you from your thoughts demanding attention. Like a damn child!  You can not keep up with both the Commander’s mood swings and the planet’s. So, you ignore one: the Commander. You are cold towards him only keeping things between he and you professional. Like adults. How you wish it was that easy!

The helmet kiss incident was never repeated yet it does he puts you in other different scenarios.

Once he grabbed your arm just to stop you from walking in front him, he likes walking beside you. A hint that he wants you to equal to him?  He switched up his tactics every day. Passive aggressive, aggressively passive, quiet and calm. He is very confusing because the next time he makes you walk behind him nearly causing you to trip over his damned robe. Though that time he did that he was walking you to your quarters. Mind games, you do not like mind games it is misleading. These gestures should not have you actually somewhat like the man! You like Hux, not this blasted oversize tall dark beautiful man! 

You can’t even insult him!

Glaring at the ceiling of your room you think about his tripping to his death, that has you snickering. All negative thoughts about the man helped you sleep until your next shift.

* * *

During lunch, you decided to try and read the smutty literature your friend sent you. Knowing her it probably bad and gotta make you uncomfortable.

\---  _ One hand, the real one touching her, feeling the way her skin suddenly is covered in goosebumps caused by his cold hand. She whimpers as the Force invades her body drawing out gasps for air as it pumps deep inside of her wet pussy. --- _

Eh, it has you looking disgusted a bit. The further you read the more you are fairly sure no Jedi from the time of the Old Republic would sleep with a person. Don’t Jedi have a code of celibacy? 

“No.”

The Commander’s voice has you fumbling to not drop your personal datapad. “Kriff, kriff.” It stops midway from falling on the ground then raising up and landing in the Commander’s hand. His visor stays on you.“You should be in the mess hall.” You reach to grab your datapad but he pulls his hand away from you. “I wanted to be alone right now. Can I please have that back, sir?” Again reaching out this time he lowers that has you grabbing it but unable to pull it away. His visor displays the reflection that he reading what is on your screen. “I see.”

Your face is partly red, “It is not like that,” Thumb pressing the close button. “It was a gift from a friend.”

“To satisfy your curiosity?” You are certain he is amused by this since you rejected 

“NO! Stars, no, this just time killer!” The idea that would like something like this is--

“The romantic parts you enjoyed, feelings rather than the lust.” Blinking several times unsure to say then you nod getting a hum. “Yet lust and love, in this case, go hand in hand. They love each other each enough to give in to their lust for each other's body.” His head tilts along with letting go of your datapad which you bring to your chest. “Both create passion.”

“Sir, I don't want any of those things.”

“So you keep telling yourself.”

“I literally can't… sir.” You cannot believe you are having this conversation with the Commander of the First Order. “I just don't-- I'm not--”

“Aroused?”

You give a nod looking away in shame. Sucking in a breathe you open your mouth to end this interaction, the Commander moving closer. You move back, he moves forward. This happens three more times until you are backed against the cold wall with Commander Ren hovering over you. After the last time of being in a position like this, you calm yourself. The last thing you want is the man to start hurting you. “I won't hurt you,” He is reading your mind again. “Unless you want me too.” Care? The tone is different nervous, gentle. “I don't like pain.” A nod before his mask is press on your shoulder, forearms up against the wall hiding you further.  _ Relax. _ The word nearly whispered in your mind; you relax letting the datapad fall to the floor. Fear is not involved this time, this time you are consenting to his treatment. Not really sure why. Maybe his mind games worked… 

Without your helmet, you can not hide within yourself. The Commander can see every face you make. A shiver passes through you when his leg parts yours. Your hands latching on to his cowl in fear.  _ Relax. _ Nodding loosening your grip on the cowl. His mask rubbing against the material of your uniform. You expected him to touch you with his hand either with or without his gloves. Instead, you jolt at the invisible sensation touching your womanhood.  _ Breathe.  _ You breathe slowly just to stop yourself from hyperventilating. Circles tracing your clit, slow finding what you like. Never have you felt this way when you touch yourself to bathe nothing felt like this. With stimulation on the clit another rubbing your lower lips, parting slightly but never going inside.  _ Look at me. _ Turning your head you can see your flustered face. His helmet kisses you again making sure not press his helmet too hard on your lips. “Commander.” If this the knot you have read that forms just below your stomach you are about to lose it. You hate that you are getting so excited so fast, so aroused, so lightheaded.  _ This is your first. I do not expect you to last long _ . The input is not an insult actually it makes you feel a little better. You hold onto him for dear life as the ministrations get faster, legs growing weaker. His hand on your left moves to move his cowl away along with lower his neck covering.  _ Bite here when you cum. _ The command, you think, or request is an odd one. You don't understand the need for marking.

Your hips rock instinctually against his leg, body feeling hot.  _ Let it happen.  _ You didn’t even know you were resisting. That fear holding you back. This time you kiss his helmet as you seemingly melt against him. Cumming didn't hurt, in fact, you felt mellowed out. If one used a cat describe you it would like a cat laid out on a bed purring happily. The Commander after a minute or two leans away slowly making sure you can stand.

“Do you need me to?” Honestly, you do not know why you offered to get him off. Guess you felt you needed to repay him. The coolest of his helmet against your forehead is nice.

“No. You do not have to give back.” You feel rather selfish for being the only one who got off. You nodded then lean forward grabbing his shirt pulling down.

You bit his neck.

 


	8. Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between Ren and Hux, you choose to submit to the First Order. Though it feels like General Hux and the First Order are one in the same.

You have made a huge mistake! You did not mean for this to happen, for that to happen. Maybe you were horny and did not know it? Or he just Jedi mind tricked you?! Or is it Sith mind tricked you? No, the Commander did not use the force to mind trick you into willingly letting him-- You feel somewhat soiled after committing the sinful act. With a shaky hand, you had thrown your personal datapad across the room. The file deleted into the void of where ever data trash goes. You do care if you damaged the damn datapad. 

You have buyer’s regret.

An hour of being left to your own thoughts have left you a crying, freshly bathed, self in disgust. Just an hour ago the Commander had left the base to go on some mission. You bet he must be pleased with himself have not only made you experience your first orgasm but have a huge messy hickey on his neck. Trying to believe that he is a wicked man is not helping you; the wicked sinful person is you. That is how you feel. Getting up from the floor of the bathroom after crying, you dress in pajamas hoping to just sleep this away. To forget your mess up if you ever could forget such a thing.

 

The echoing of the base’s alarms going off has you snapping wide awake and dressing quickly. Throwing on regulate sweatpants and your uniform jacket, halfway zipping it up. With blaster pistol in hand, you exit your quarters then running to the control room. Whatever is happening at least from their you can effectively do something. Troopers are running past you likely to deal with intruders. When you get the control room doors you have rest the panel to get to open. Once inside you push aside the dead body in the chair. The weapon systems are offline along with the base’s shielding. Whoever was here knew how this base operated. Meaning a traitor is hiding within the ranks. Tapping away on the console you download all camera footage and the users on this console. It just one step to finding out what happened. Next is getting the shields up, you can only hope the troopers outside your window can stop the two odd figures from leaving the base. “Grant excess. Fleet Technician (Full Name). Verification Code: 0016-68.” The hard rest needed a verification in case something goes wrong.

The shielding is only backup twenty-five percent when the stolen First Order transport ship is flying off the planet.

Today is not a good day.

Someone must have gain control of the other side of the base because the Finalizer was in orbit of the world in just a day. One transport ship is sent down to the ship, Captain Phasma exiting the ship and giving orders. You head down from the control room to where the transport is. You personally handed the data chip to the chrome trooper not trusting anyone else.

.

.

.

.

Two days of being held in a cell is not fun, plus it smells. Does anyone clean that thing? Your eyes do not have time to adjust when you are taken out of your cell and brought to the interrogation room. Anyone that was recently added to the compromised base was transported to the Finalizer, you included. An interrogation of sorts of multiple staff members is lead but Captain Phasma due to the Commander being ‘unsafe’. The information you collected is taken to be analyzed, but it makes you look suspicious. “This will possibly bring us closer to who is the traitor,” The Captain speaking to you. You are currently sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair with your cuffed hands onto the top of a metal desk. “But this information that you gave us could have been tampered by you.” All angles must be explored. You nod is understanding, “I am will to undergo whatever you need me to go to prove my innocence.” A small hum comes from the chrome soldier. When she leaves you to think the Commander or an interrogator would walk in after. Instead, you wait an hour. The longest hour of your life until the Commander walks into the room. You had your head down nearly falling asleep. Lifting your head up, you blink twice bringing your hands up to your face rubbing your eyes. He does not reach a hand out like he usually does. You place your hand down keeping your eyes on him, your vision blurring randomly at that makes you believe you are just tired. Then you find yourself trying to keep your head up before giving in. Barely awake now Commander Ren walks towards the table, “You did well.” A sharp pain in your mind has you fully awake and pushing yourself away from the table in shock. “General Hux will be pleased.” Those words have you looking at the table in shame. The last person you want to see after two days of confinement is Hux. It feels like talking to a father that saw your hickey from the night before. More fear floods your system; could the General know what have you did?!

You cuffs are taken off after a stormtrooper takes you out of the room. Rubbing your sore wrist you are told to report to Lieutenant Mitaka immediately.

 

You release a sigh of relief avoiding the inevitable.

* * *

 

Being sent back to the Starkiller base pleased you especially after being on a planet you have gotten used to planetary gravity. Yes, there is a difference if one noticed. You may hate the cold but you rather have that then the coldness of your General. You were cleared a day after recovering interrogation and imprisonment. The First Order gave you that much at least. Placing you in a position on a super weapon base is apology enough. Although a vacation would be nice.

Starkiller base is a beautiful, functioning base far beyond your wildest dreams. And so clean! You have never seen your reflection on the floor before. Maker, the consoles, Stars, the consoles look able to handle a beating or Commander’s saber, that you hope will not be tested. Being back to oversee the technicians on the base is far better than your last post.

Escaping death every day is not your thing.

You are heading to your new quarters after learning your old quarters is being used. Pity, that one had a window. Typing in the new code you received opening the door, walking inside, the door closing behind you. You note two things: One, the room is big, too big. Second, Millicent. And third, the room as a faint scent of Hux’s scent. You know Hux’s scent only cause you have slept on his couch. “What the kriff?” So many thoughts are racing through your mind along with questions. Milly meows rubbing herself against your boots purring. Taking her up into your arms petting her head while moving around the room. There a kitchen, looks barely used, and small living room. Or is a common room? There is a bedroom; one bedroom with one bed and a shared closet. Your uniforms are inside.

“By the kriffing stars.” Were you just moved into his place?! The door of the quarters can be heard opening and closing followed by footsteps, Hux’s footsteps. You look outside the bedroom at him, his eyes finding yours. “Fleet Technician.” He says.

“General Hux?” Your reply displays your confusion. Letting the cat down you walk over int the living room. “Uh, this is--”

“Millicent needs your attention. This arrangement is for her and to make it less bothersome for you travel from your quarters to mine.” This explanation has you blinking several times and mouth open. You close it when he glances at your mouth. He continues, “And to implement the restraining order that Ren seems so intent on breaking.” There an edge in his voice.

“Thank you, sir.” Figuring that is the best reply.

An eyebrow is raised, “Why thank me? You are the one who allowed him to touch you.” He does not even look angry, actually amused. “The data chip you delivered had footage of Ren and your little affair.” The shame returns causing you to put your head down unable to look at Hux. You disappointed him. Not only did you break your own moral code but you disappointed your General. “My apologies, sir.” In the back of your mind-- way back. You don't feel bad. It is none of his business if you let the Commander misuse the Force to get you off. Such a thought caused more guilt. Milly’s meow brings you out of your void of shame. “Excuse me, General.” There no snarkiness in your voice or venom, just monotone. If this his way of being possessive you do not like it. Possessive behavior in the books are written as romantic, ideal, but it is not in reality. Especially when both General and Commander are men of power; one can toss you in an airlock and the other can use the Force to kill you… Right now you starting to want that, but you think, hopefully, you know to stop this tension between you in the General.

An act of submission.

Playing with Millicent calms your nerves when Hux, who allows you address him only as Hux in private, walks out of his room in nothing but his robe. Once he did this to you the one time you came to his quarters too late, he wasn’t even sleeping-- working at his desk. Sort of how he is now sitting at on the couch with a datapad. His eyes do not leave screen but his legs are now closed by the ankle instead being crossed over the other. You are no longer in uniform, being self-conscious you wear a shirt and sweats with a robe. Vulnerableness is not a skill you have. Yet you are the one who places a bowl of water a small towel next to your General’s legs.

“What are you doing?” His eyes are on you when you are kneeling in front of him, though he does not sound angry.

“Being kind.” The look he gives is disbelief.

“And what do you want out this act of _kindness_?” Hux placed his datapad down watching you closely when you take his foot into your hands. Your fingers rubbing smoothly on his foot then up his calf. “Nothing in the sense of gaining a position,” He hums at the way the warm water hits his first foot then you repeat the same action to the second foot. “Kindness can be seen as an act of submission.” You take the towel washing his calf massaging the muscle.

“Are you submitting to me, (L/N)?” There is amusement in his relaxed voice. Now he leans his head back against the couch letting you work.

“I am only submitting to you as a loyal Fleet Technician to the First Order.”

The General gives no reply to your words only making soft sounds when you massage away certain knots. When you are finished you dried his feet with a fresh towel, his eyes studying you. After turning from hanging the wet towel then dumping the water and bowl in the sink. The General had returned back to work only this time using one hand to pet Millicent.


	9. General 'Gentleman' Hux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That is two steps back for Kylo Ren and one step forward for Hux.

Most if not all members of the First Order have some connection to the Empire. Either being a former Imperial official or child of an Imperial official. A child like you proving your worth despite being from Nar Shaddaa, you were adopted by an Imperial family. You did not take their last name when you enlisted in the First Order in fear of the politics. Your father is a retired Imperial pilot, his ship a part of the house you lived in. Your mother a First Order governor. Your mother is the one who pushed you to take your adopted last name, to go beyond the field of technology. Command. A position of command would greatly look well on your adopted family.

You rather do something you loved.

Sadly, you cannot escape them or your mother's opinions. Imperial Day, a highly celebrated day to honor those fallen and the rise of the First Order. This is the most important since General Hux’s success affects the Order as a whole. In other words, you can not rip apart or delete the invitation to the celebration. The choice becoming out of your hands when a package is delivered to your shared quarters. The package already opened for security check. Millicent on Hux’s desk, something she knows she can not be on at all. Not bothering to scowl her, you grab the damn box knowing who sent it. It has only been four months since you have on this base that you have called your ‘baby’. Hux may have created and got the funding for it but it is your workers and yourself that make this ‘'baby’ work.

That does not sound right you realize. 

Shaking your head you toss the box on the made shared bed. A plan small grey card slipping out. Picking up and opening the card your face expresses your displeasure. An invitation along with a  _ gentle _ invitation from your mother. If her signature is on it more than likely your father does not agree to force you to go. At least he is the understanding one in the family. Ripping the already opened box you see the pressed formal First Order uniform along with a pin to display your relation to your Imperial family.

You hate them.

You hate her.

Yet the imagined disappointed looks on their faces out weighted all venom you held towards them. In the end, you loved them like any child would love their parents. With a mind made up, you took out the uniform putting it up to hang on your side of the closet. Now it is you who just has to see if you could last the rest of the day not overthinking your decision.

 

 

You failed not to overthink the reunion. Most of your workday dealt with paperwork, most complaints from your technicians about the stormtroopers. Bunch of oversized bullies. Or reports on maintenance of the base. All boring things that remind you of how dull your position is. Cracks your neck then removing your helmet then just as the helmet is placed down the Commander walked into your office. Out of respect, you rose from your desk at attention. “Sir?” You looked forward past him not wishing for eye contact. “Fleet Technician,” His hand hovering the desk just seeming to touch your stuff. All organized meticulously. You are not sure why he is here but he is here just examining your office. It is small and has a window; a perfect office. “Why are not in your assigned post?” The question is one he knows the answer to that you are certain. This a trap.

“General Hux--”

“You believe his orders supersede mine!?” You shrink back a bit in fear, again. You swear all you can feel for this man is utter fear. “Sir, General Hux is my CO…. You are also my CO but--” Air is cut off from your windpipe causing you to stop and try to grab the invisible force grabbing you. Ren’s hand already stretched out.

“ _You obey me_.” You are choking falling to you kneels. The next act took him off guard and perhaps caused his attraction to you to grow. You shoot him. Wait, no. You shot at him. Missed but you fired and the choking stopped. It graze the side of his helmet. His head facing where the blaster hit then to your gasping form behind the desk. “Hm,” His looks at his hand before placing it back to his side. “I expect you respect the chain of command, Fleet Technician.” 

“I respect those within the chain of command that earned their power not borned with it.” You nearly died so you have no filter. Ren is amused by you words. “I shall let that slide. Report to med bay after you are able to stand.” He finally left after seemingly checking on you.

You walk to medbay holding you marked neck, bruising alreadying forming. He marked you, Hux stated. The General appeared moments after you arrived. Marked, you have been marked? You have seen others that had your mark before and it was not anything like the way Hux stated. At most it says you survived being the messenger of dread, not more. Hux does not allow the doctor to use bacta gel to heal the marking. Both as warning to you to not draw close to the Commander, and to not cause the Commander find and mark you again.

“I bit him.”

“I know.” Hux says. You only spoke after the doctor left you two alone. “He asked you too.” Hux adds on.

“I’m sorry,” You grip the end of medical bed tightly. “I am so very sorry.”

Hux moved to stand in front of you; your head down as tears fall onto your lap. “My good fellow,” You can tell he is trying to be nice. “Stop apologizing. It makes you look weak.”

“I am weak,” You hiccup that caused you to cough. “I gave in, I always give and now… I’m soiled.” Why felt the need to tell the General this is beyond you but you did. “I’m sorry.”

His hand though gloved is nice to feel on yours, “If you are as weak as you believe then why are here, hm? The weak do not last in the academy nor the battlefield. Now stop apologizing.” The words are commanding, inspiring, demanding. You can't help but wipe your eyes and smile at him, a toothy wholehearted smile.

Hux started feeling things once he left after you were cleared to return for duty. The attraction growing from simple eye candy to desire to some twisted sense of love? 

Hux does not like those feeling.

* * *

 

On file, your name is (Full Name) not (Full Name)-Daala. At first, when he saw you at the event he assumed you were invited by a friend or a  _ very _ close  _ friend.  _ No, instead you are the child of the woman he had admired for sometime other than Rae Sloane. From a kitchen woman to the right-hand of Grand Moff Tarkin. Though is look far too old to have born you. “Enjoying the evening, sir?” You came beside him with a barely touched wine glass. “Yes, though I have just learned you do not share the same last name as your parents.”

“Adopted.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am adopted. Both my father and I share her last name. My father had no last name so he took hers, and I had to for record's sake. I dropped it when I enlisted.” You explained while watching your mother converse. If looks could kill they would be the kill her like _**Sun Crusher**_ should have.

“Might I ask why?”

“Politics. One person sees that name they assume things.”

“Such as?” His curiosity growing about you. It is rare you disclose anything personal about yourself, Hux assumed it has to do with just not having an interest in family.

“If I am also like her.” Gaze going to the liquid in your glass. “I am not a real Daala.” That had you take a large gulp of your drink. “Adopting poor children like myself is apparently normal when a broken Empire needs more people.” Eyes moving up to see your mother walking over to you. “General Hux, (Name). A pleasure to see you both.” You glared at her well Hux interacted easily with her. That moment you felt Hux would have been a better Daala than you. “Tell me, daughter, what rank do you hold now?” It takes everything you have not to break the glass in your hand. “Technician, right?”

“Fleet Technician, Governor.”

Your mother’s eyes roll to the left look uninterested, “Pity.”

“She does her job quite well.” Hux’s voice pulls you both from you silent cat fight. His keeps a straight well you mother believes it is necessary to tell him how you failed you Command Test, a test you fail just to not be put in a command position. A concept your mother seems to not be able to understand. “Mother, please.” A borderline threatening voice which she ignores. “At least she is still of some use.” That had you reply with, “At least I wasn’t on my knees.”

The pure look cold rage on her face is worth making you General step in speaking of her past working with the Grand Moff Tarkin. You did not take Hux for a fanboy, but it is likely he was stepping in to stop the fight between your mother and yourself. 

“I see my dad.” You state leaving Hux with the witch of an adopted mother. Your father was by himself standing by himself looking out the window up at the stars. 

.

.

.

.

“That was fun.” Sarcasm dripping from your mouth. 

“I suppose I should be calling you Fleet Technician Daala.” The General walking beside you to your room. The act is very gentleman like. You laughed dryly at his words. “As tempting as that maybe I would prefer you don’t, sir.” Your hands holding your shawl close to you, “She does not deserve to have her last name said by a man like you.”

“You hold me quite high, (L/N),” He stops walking once in front of your room door. You open it then turn to face him. “You helped me defend myself against my mother even after she told you about my failure. I believe you deserve more than earned my thanks and respect, sir.” You smile softly. There is a calmness in the air, a certain mellowness that made you nearly forget that his man before you in the General of the First Order-- no, is the First Order. When he did not pull away as you lean forward the nervousness that had held you started to disappear.

Your first kiss.

A kiss he gladly almost eagerly returned after whispering a “Finally” under his breath. The feels are mutual causing you to smile once more but now on his lips. It is you that pulls at the collar of his formal uniform into a deeper kiss. Though your kiss is messy and inexperience Hux is more than capable to show you how to properly kiss. If fate knows irony than you could laugh at yourself, if fate knew karma then you will have to apologize to your adopted mother. Or not. 

The kissing stopped when you tried to pull him into your room. Both staring at each other he places a kiss on your forehead, a sign that he cares for you highly then pulls away.

“Goodnight, (Name).”

“Goodnight, Hux.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fanfic is likely going to get a bit darker to due getting into the TFA and TLJ timeline. RIP yalls feelings lol


	10. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You reflect on your time in the First Order mostly after Kylo Ren is tossed into your life. (Filler Chapter)

**** The first kiss leads to two changes: One, Hux and you now sleep in the same bed. Before, Hux was sleeping on the couch or between shifts in his office. That had caused you to massage his back and feet more. Two, more kissing. You liked affection and Hux never seemed to bother by it so long as it is not in public. He is not that type to announce his relationship. There is also a third change but one you are not sure if you want to take the steps to cause the change. Retaking the Command Test. You could ask Captain Phasma to test you but at the moment the rank you are in is a perfect fit. Plus, given there is more stress now that the First Order harder than ever is searching for the last Jedi, you rather not be the one to deliver or speak to Commander Ren at all. The markings on your neck have nearly faded now looking yellowish on your skin. Your collar only did but so much to cover it and makeup is hard to get on a traveling warship. Lucky your the bottom part of your helmet covered the rest of your neck. You had to wear around a lot more often than you liked until the healing was over.

A week.

Time moves fast when you are working. You look outside your window watching some snow troopers shoot at there targets while Captain Phasma watches nearby. Your father once told you about the way the Empire trained their soldiers. Everyone training and killing each other as equals. Your father was a pilot at one time. Flew across the stars bombing Rebellion ships and taking down Rebellion fighters. When he grew older and after the fall of the Empire, he retired and married your mother. Your adopted mother. You always remember to address her as such because you do not love her like the way you loved your father. He along with your birth mother deserved that love. Your eyes travel to your desk absentmindedly looking at the terminal on your desk. Paperwork now replaced with technology. You rather liked the paperwork, it kept up your penmanship. Tapping on the screen you unlock a message sent by the current CO of the base well Hux is away. Updates and maintenance checks. The boring same old. After reading that you look at the blaster mark on the wall that you have yet to fit. It causes you to touch your neck when you remove your helmet to rub away the phantom pain you feel there. If karma is real you like to think Commander Ren will get his. Such thoughts you shake away returning to work until your shift is over. 

At least he is not on the base.

* * *

 

 

The type of cat Millicent is the one that is overly affectionate and a troublemaker. This type of cat when in trouble will lay on its side and look cute. That is what she is doing after you found her once again on Hux’s desk sleep. “Down!” You shout once you saw her waking the cat up then jump down from her spot. She meows laying on her side almost in one motion. “You can’t be up there,” You pick her up to scowl her. Her eyes looking sleepy and wet nose touching your nose. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” You say while rolling your eyes. Checking her food after placing her back on the floor you see it has a bit of food left and gives her a fresh bowl of water. When you with your adopted parents they let you have a cat, he was a black cat with a white belly. You named him Revan since you were learning about the Sith Empire in class. Revan seemed to fit at the time. You loved the cat until he died at that point you were an adult and he lived a full life loved by you. Millicent gave you that chance to love another cat; you wonder if Revan and Millicent would have liked it each. The cat purrs when you scratch under her chin, tossing your uniform jacket on the back of the couch you rest with Milly there. Dinner is a meal you have been missing a lot cause of stress thus you eat after everyone with the same shift as you is done in the mess hall. There is never really much there but you have been barely eating so it does not matter. With stretch you hear a crack from you back that has you slumping on the couch.

After the supposed excitement you had to deal with the dull orderly days are ones you are so very happy to have back. Looking down at Milly who is enjoying herself you remember this all was caused by her escaping her owner’s quarters. You do not blame her since she just a cat whose owner is too busy at times to love her, but there is something that has been bothering you since this all started.

Why did the Commander even have her?

Naturally, you think of a logically answer that he just found her and took her in hopes maybe piss off Hux. But, as you keep running the scenero in you mind analyzing all the details, things do not add up. The Commander based on interaction and just studying him. Yes, you studied him as you do to all people. Your mother taught you that. You came up with a different hypothesis one you dearly hope is not true. Based on the little evidence from your interaction this is what you believe:

Commander Ren knew about you, possibly by reading thoughts or hearing about the rumors about you. He caused Millicent to leave the or just happened to find her. This allowing him a chance to meet you. Maybe he thought he could have you to toy with Hux since the rumors make it seem that you and Hux are an item. Then when he met you… The moral code you hold yourself to peaked his interest more.

All this is made from careful study of the Commander, Hux, and yourself. This is not created from narcissism or thinking this some romantic story. No, this is created out of what if the man that terrifies you likes in the least romantic way. That file with the story of a Jedi and smuggler was cute, loving, not so good with smut but it was better than this. A darkside user and a Fleet Technician does not make for a good romance; a General and Fleet Technician in a way the cliche office romance.

You would take cliche over tragedy anyday.

The sound of your work datapad going off. Another message. You get up after stroking Milly’s fur twice then going to Hux’s desk. A list of those who will taken off Starkiller to another First Order ships. Nothing new that caused to you to relax, you thought Ren tried to reassign you. Sitting in Hux’s chair you scroll through the info to prepare a message to the technician to give them a heads up and to cover the shifts of those leaving. As you worked you heard Millicent mew as if something got her attention that has you looking up from you datapad. You got up to answer the door as the ringer go off, opening the door you find a droid with a tray of food on its head. Taking it into your hand it makes several beeps then leaves. You did not order food, you are not a high enough rank for that. Placing the food tray on the desk you stare at it. Dianoga pie is an alien pie that no one in the First Order would know or like, you do because you are from Nar Shaddaa and this is always a treat for you. Someone must know their dianoga because the worms are alive and the eyes look fresh. Yes, you ate it quickly since it tastes like home, both in a good and bad way. The is note at the bottom of you plate when you remove from the tray and started eating.

_ With the rain comes _

Is this a get well card? Do people use these?

_ Comes a rainbow.  _

The left you see note on the side.

_ Sorry, I choked you.- KR _

He is damn lucky you like this pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dianoga_pie
> 
> HAHAHAAHAHA oh man remember Anakin ate bugs too lol Kylo is prob grossed out by this pie and anyone that walked pass this droid.


	11. End of a Regime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's five steps back for Ren and Hux wins the race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will like to thank my friend Elmidol for the amazing speech because that is created by that amazing author!

Once long ago when you just ten years old a woman named Natasi Daala chose you to be her daughter. At the time she used to dye your hair red like her own. Hux has a faintly similar hair but he has more orange than red like hers. Though in her older years it became grey and a orange like.Every day in the academy without her touching up your hair the roots started to show. Slowly until you had to have your cut to fit regulation. Exposed that you are not of her line, that you are not a child of Daala and her husband or even Tarkin. This cause resentment towards her and towards anyone that dared think low of you.

A bastard child full of rage is a dangerous child.

Your adopted mother learned that too late to use it to her advantage. You excelled in your career to the point you are one of the top Fleet Technicians. You may not have help built a super weapon like her but you did not have to go down your knees to rise in rank like her. Staring down at the file on your datapad to request a Command Test retake, you smile to yourself. You will not only be something she did not want from you but will prove to her you are more than capable to take a position in command. With a harsh tap the file is sent.

You do not regret it. 

Now that rage is done you tap away trying to figure out how to keep up with the Commander descutive rain on consoles. The pie and ‘Get Well’ card do not out weight his need to destroy things out of rage. He needs anger management classes you swear. Speaking of which you hear foots rushing outside your office. You go to your door opening that has two of your technician running inside hiding behind you. They look scared and smell like burnt metal. You can figure out what is cause without the added sound of the Commander’s lightsaber destroying something. You are done, beyond done, your kriffing pissed but what could you do against a force like him? That feeling of helplessness is one you do not enjoy. “Stay here until this is over.” You ordered going back to your desk. The orders were followed as the two sat down near the wall on top of heaters that did not even work.

It was an hour before the Commander stopped though that ended thirty minutes ago, the other half was shouting from both Hux and the Commander. You give a few minutes before allowing the technicians to leave. Another repair must be file again! This becoming a bother that you blame on the escaped Resistance and on the traitorous stormtrooper.

This is becoming depressing.

You stand to leave your office to go check how bad the damage is only to be met face first against the Commander, you back away to gather yourself. “May I help you, sir?” You groan shaking your head a bit.

“I require you.” He is blocking your only way out beside the window, but he could stop you before you could try and break the glass. Great. “Uh, um, could you explain, sir?” Require you? Who says that? He shoves his way into your office, shutting the door right after entering. His head turns to the left the right. “I want you.”

“No, thank you.”

He turns his body completely around to face you. You standing your ground then walk up to him. Helmet looking at helmet. “You do not have a choice in this matter, Fleet Technician.”

You make a fist, “Like kriffing hell I do! No, and that's final--”

“When you gave yourself to the First Order you submitted everything you have to it. To me,” He leans his head in pressing his head against yours. “Your body. Your first belongs to the First Order thus belonging to me.”

If Hux was here he would laugh at Ren. Hux is the First Order, not Ren. Ren is an asshole. “I would rather die than let a creature like you touch me.”

“And yet you did.” He retort has you shoving your helmet against his.

“Get out of my office or I will shoot you.”

The chuckle behind the mask slips from him but stops short when you shove your blaster against his stomach. Then he hums, “Seems living among smugglers has taught you a few tricks. Impressive.” He stepped back moving around you leaving the office. Surprising yourself you did not collapse until after you were behind your desk. You sat down placing your blaster on the desk. “Damn.” You say with hand on your helmet.

This man is walking mess of drama.

* * *

You are used to waiting for things, it comes with the job. Though now, right at this moment, you really need General Hux to hurry up. After having some time to think running Commander Ren’s words, you decided you have to lose your virginity.

A cruel cold feeling to lose something so dear to you just because of one man, a man of seemingly supernatural power.

The ideal man you choose other than Mitaka, a man who does not know you, is Hux. Hux is only one who can have you. Ren believes he the First Order, words just to scare you. As for Hux does not have to believe because he knows the First Order is him. That is how you a Fleet Technician see your commanding officers.

The moment he enters the room rubbing his neck, Millicent hops from your lap to draw her owner’s attention. He looks over at you who is sitting on the couch in your uniform. “Sir, may I ask for a favor?” An eyebrow is raised as he moves to stand in front of you at a respectable distance. “Depends on the favor.”

Your helmet is off on the desk, you can not hide your blush but you look at him. “The Commander spoke to me today stating that my very being belongs to the First Order, to him.”

“As if,” He cuts in with a snarl. “Go on.”

“He wants my virginity but,” Your eyes wander the General’s face only seeing his Adam’s apple move up then down. “Sir, I would like to sleep with you in an unprofessional manner.”

“I see,” His stands at attention with his hands behind his back inside of his greatcoat. “That is an interesting and very honoring favor to ask.” He look at you intensely while he speaks. Honor, he calls it an honor to be your first, you never thought anyone could share your view on virginity. “And you wish for me to have this honor?”

“Yes,” You nod, “I trust you and I do adore you quite a lot.” There is a slight twitch of his lips. “I see.” He taps his index finger behind his back as he decides the best course of action. Three options are presented to him: Let Ren rape you, not an option. Have you transferred far away, but that will likely lead to option one. Or, take you. Unprofessional but Ren has left him in this position, one long time coming. “Stand.”

You stand up with your hands gripping the end of your jacket. “You understand that once this is taken you can not get it back.” He speaks as if this very important business perhaps doing this for you since this is important to you. “Understood?”

Averting your gaze while uneasiness settles over you, no, you don't really want this. Not completely. You do not want to lose a piece, a dear part of you that you kept for so long, to Hux. “Can I back out?”

“Yes, you can.” Your shoulders drop at his words. “If you want to give--”

“No, I would like for you to have it but not now… I-I’m not really ready mentally for… You know.” He nods at your words then takes your hand in his hand, you allow the contact. Hix stares at it for a moment before slipping his hand away. With that, you leave to go to the refresher to take a cold shower. 

The evening is spent in silent save for Millicent’s soft purring or Hux typing. You lay on the bed in nothing but an oversized black shirt staring up at the ceiling. Dinner was three hours ago and lights out was two hours ago yet the man called Hux never stops working. Turning your head looking at the closed door of the bedroom you decide to give him some company if he wants it. The cool floor sitting your feet make you rethink that idea and decide to just curl up in the warmth of the covers with the cat at the foot of the bed.

* * *

 

“Today is the end of the Republic.”

He is practicing his speech again. This is the fifth time he has been reading his speech in front of a mirror. In the middle of the night, in full uniform. You really like that greatcoat, it looks warm. You woke up to him talking and now lay there looking at his reflection. The expressions are controlled tempered to hide the pure joy he feels to be the one to end the Republic, for the First Order to end this endless war. 

“The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder.”

You feel joy but only joy because you believe the First Order can now bring the end of the hypocrisy of the New Republic. You are not naive to believe all this will happen in one day you know that it will happen over time. With Hux and the Supreme Leader’s leadership, your beliefs are solidated.

“At this very moment in a system far from here,” His eyes shift from his reflection to you causing a soundless gasp in surprise. “The New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance.” Neither of you breaking eye contact. “This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet.” There a sexiness to hear his voice, a voice you hear almost every day now has you feeling-- Oh, Stars.

“All remaining systems will bow to the First Order and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!”

A speech about the destruction of the New Republic should not cause desire it should cause inspiration. It does. But the man’s voice, the dedication he has. When he comes and sits on the bed looking down at you, you feel safe. Safe that a man like him is going to bring order to a galaxy in chaos. Sometimes you wonder if you are solely dedicated to the cause or him, possibly both. “What do you think?” He wants to know after seeing the awe on your face. “I like your voice.” You reply causes a chuckle as well as him becoming closer. “Hux.” You move the blanket a bit to get your arm out allowing you to touch his cheek. “Armitage.” His first name. You thought his name was Brendol like his father. “Sounds like Army.” You giggle at his scowl. “Very strong sounding.”

“Daala is not strong?”

“That is not mine.” You state with distant. “Your speech,” He hums rubbing his nose on you cheek heading downwards. “It reminded me of something someone said.” Your eyes are closed at this point taking in his scent. 

He sounds desperate when he says, “Tell me.”

“An old smuggler, Cathar, I think ah,” You shudder when his lips meet the line of your jaw. Without realizing you push the greatcoat off his shoulder, hands holding his shoulders. “The Republic is more despotic than monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, more selfish than bureaucracy. It looks to Golden age trying to grasp something unattainable.”

Pushing you further into the bed he hovers above you with his face buried in your neck. The General making no movement to remove his uniform. The blankets are kicked away bearing yourself to him. Sliding your hands up until your fingers are messing up the neat red hair. “He is correct.” You have nearly forgotten what you both were talking about. His pulls back unzipping his uniform jacket then stop from removing it. “Keep it on.” You bite the corner of your lip. His chuckles, “I did not take you for a woman who likes a man in uniform.”

“I rather like you in your formal uniform, but yes.” Releasing your lip, you sit up going on your knees to kiss him. He brings you onto his lap, a gloved hand holding the side of your face and the other following the shape of your body until it rests on your hip. You are left in a haze from his kiss before he briefly pulls them away. “Rock your hips, Fleet Technician.” Following the order, without delay, you hold onto his shoulders as you do so. You can feel the bulge in his pants. Pride filling you.

You caused that.

“General.” You moan unashamedly. Now you understand what those romance books mean. How it feels to have lips kissing you, marking your neck. Course it is not too high that it will show above your uniform collar. The rush when you tug his hair a little too hard when his bites you. Oh, then the exposer. Pulling your shirt off displaying yourself to him. You do not hide, it a little too late for that.

“Ren may have had your first orgasm but he will not be the first to do this,” You did not think that bothered Armitage. Guess it does. You giggled when kisses his way down your chest, gasp when his tongue licks a hardened nipple. Swirls around before sucking, you continue to rock your hips but now a bit fast. The hand holding your face moves to play with the neglected nipple. Your breathing is getting heavy, body temperature rising. “Armitage.” The name you beg for so quickly. With a pop, he looks at you with delight in his eyes. He lays you back on the bed shifting downwards. He opens your legs wider for himself. “He will never be able to be the first to taste you.” You cover your eyes with both hands. At this point you feel overwhelmed and sensitive. The underwear is slip off with care and toss away without care. “ _ Relax yourself, Fleet Technician _ .” Oh, how you wish you could. You jolt when he blows cold air on your lower lips. The smirk on his face, you believe, is one of cocky delight. Kylo Ren never touched you, not truly. Armitage Hux will be the first, truly. Body writhing from just minimum touching. You believe the anticipation has you worked up plus having Armitage; you have get use to that name.

Stars, Armitage Hux is wonderful!

You feel like over giggy woman on her wedding night like in those books. Only this is far better and far more real. His gloved hands open your legs wide, eyes looking at you while he devours you. It is hard to stay focus to not thrash or grab onto the bed covering beside your head. His hums, or moans, when your hips rock against his face. It is like running a track full of sensation, feet dragging to that finish line. His thumb moving your clit in circle. That is want pushed to the finish line. Arching off the bed before collapsing and breathing hard. Working out in the gym never made you feel exhausted like this!

“Your face liked different.” The General moving his mouth away from your core, eyes seemly a dark blue in the ill lit room. You open your eyes not realizing your closed them after orgasming. “W-what?”

“Your face looked different from when Ren had you.”

He watched it. By the Stars, General Hux watched the whole video! You cover your face groaning. “He must have underperformed.” His ego is stroked and pride swelled. Hux beat Ren. Uncovering your face you see the general unbuttoning then unzipping his fly. Its pink, bright pink at the tip with what you know precum dripping from it. Staring is fine, even wanted, as he strokes himself. “I can do that for you.” You can. You really want to. “At a later date.” There is a promise that this is not a one time event. Lifting one of your legs he kisses your ankle. When he speaks again you do not expect his words.

“Tonight is the last night of your virginity,” What is doing is the only thing you can think. His hand places your leg back down then he removes one glove with his teeth. Oh, just when you think you are turned on enough Armitage pulls out another trick. “The end of a regime that acquiesced to celibacy.” The other glove is removed by you when he present it on your lips, biting down you tug the middle loose. The rest he removes with his hand. “This very moment,” The jacket comes off but not his shirt. “In this system and those far from here,” You realize he modified his speech to celebrate this moment. This ‘honorable’ moment as he stated. “There lie those who wish they could feast their eyes upon your neck form.” His grinning as you squirm. “This blushing woman which you have become,” Bare cold hands feeling up your overheated body. “Who will be squirming in pleasure as I ravish you!” A groan comes out at the last word when you rock your core against his cock.  “You will tremble in delight under the General of the First Order!” Lining himself up teasing your hole with what is to come. “And you will remember this night,” His breath hot against your ear.

“As the last night of your virginity!”

It does hurt, not a lot, but it hurts. You hold him close as the pain shocks your system, he kisses you. Sweet, gentle, loving? Maybe it just the hormones of sex and losing your virginity that has you hoping, wanting, that he loves you. You love him, respect him, fear him as if his a force of nature. He is so calm holding himself back until you beg for him to move. Maker, Maker up there in the heavens beyond all life you feel close to that level. “Armitage.” You can not help calling out to him as if this isn’t real. The books nearly catches this feeling, nearly. The only you not feel is the General’s hold on your hips but that you enjoy. He hisses when you slip your hands under his shirt to scratch his back. Now you want to mark him. Biting, scratching, you want him to belong to you. Yours. “Kriff.” Every push, every pull, slam, thrust has you dizzy. He pulls you up having you sitting on his lap while he thrusts inside of you. Your hips meeting his. He can see your face, your beautiful face that belongs to him now. Yes, you are his Fleet Technician, not Ren’s. His alone. You keep switching between ‘Hux’ and ‘Armitage’ is adorable. When you can not longer form sentence he knows the end is close. The way you body clings to him especially your core around his cock. The union of uneven breathing followed along with the creaking of the bed, Hux laying you back down to have complete control. You squirm stretching yourself out when your second orgasm hits you harder than you ever felt before. Armitage moving faster inside of you until pulling out and cumming on your stomach. It feels weird to have that on your skin though you understand why it is there and not inside.

The smile on you sweaty flush face is one Hux will remember. 

 


	12. Tainted Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are certain Ren did something to you, and whatever it is you want it undone. He has no right to be forcing things are you much less himself on you.

The only disappointment you felt about that night was the fact it was not your wedding night. You swore to yourself you would wait until marriage. Stars, you resisted the temptation of the body for so long! But, in the end, the best-laid plans never always work out. In other words, the wrench in your plan is Commander Kylo Ren. The words he had spoken to you shook you to the core, and not wanting to lose your virginity by force, you went to Hux. Hux, in other words, is safe, not to mention, you have unprofessional feelings for him. This was the choice between the lesser of two evils; both will be taking your virginity outside of marriage. Looking over to your left you wonder how Hux-- Armitage would feel about marrying you. You have a strong family name even if you are not the blood of Daala, it's something. You have some political pull if your mother allowed it. A sigh comes breathlessly from you, maybe you have nothing to offer. Getting up you realize you feel sore, mostly in your lower regions. First, you test if you move then test if you can stand, first try no. Second try getting up from the floor you stand wobbling a bit.

This may take awhile to get used to.

Entering the refresher, you turn on the shower after relieving yourself. For some reason, things feel _different._ When you enter the shower you touch parts of yourself, arms, breasts, and stomach. Maybe it is just psychological believing you have changed. In books, there is change, mentality: sexual desires or physically: wider hips and bigger breasts. You do not feel or see a difference. You come to the conclusion that those books are liars. Bathing thoroughly to get the smell of sex from you. The marking and soreness are enough to be a reminder. Once done you exit the refresher after drying inside, walking into the closet with only a towel on. Millicent is up meowing and scratching at the bedroom door. A thought crosses your mind; you never would really need a child because Millicent is almost one. A furbaby. “There, there, I hear ya.” Dress in your uniform you go check on her food and water. Both taken care of by her owner. “Ah, you want attention.” You have yet to put your gloves on so you stroke her a couple of times then place your gloves on. Grabbing your helmet, (making sure to toss Milly her toy to the other side of the room) you leave the quarters.

The halls are fairly quiet, not completely quiet, but there no rush of stormtroopers or loud construction noises.

A peaceful day.

A little too peaceful.

With the helmet on you enter the turbo lift to get the lower section of Starkiller base.

_How proud you must feel._

Ah, there is that peace breaker.

_Soiled by your General. Truly distasteful taste in men, Fleet Technician._

You can not block him out. He is like a hot knife to butter, cutting right through your mind. So, you slam your fist into the wall, not enough to break anything but enough to block his voice with pain. That merely lasted until you left the lift.

_You believe just because you are virgin no longer my interest will fade?_

“Yeah.” You say in a low voice walking pass where the shielding system console is. That was the point of last night, Hux did not seem to mind.

_You are a fool. Pity you wasted that on a man unworthy of such devotion._

“You have done nothing to earn mine.” You growl while making a fist with the hurt hand. Once again pain breaking the connection or whatever. You are not sure what to call this interaction. Invasion is a good start. There is once again peace in your mind relaxing you.Without his voice in your mind, you can go ahead and start supervising. 

It is well into the workday that you are back in your office sending Lieutenant Mitaka your reports, the superweapon is clear to be fired. The speakers kicks on drawing your attention from your work. Mitaka’s voice can be heard saying, “All personnel report to the courtyard.” The speech is today, the liberation of the galaxy is today. 

Exiting your office you follow the crowd, taking steps to leave only to stop in the middle of the hallway, troopers, and officers moving around you. You are not sure what stopped you short or what is drawing your attention but you follow the pull, that is what you believe it is. The world seeming to fall away until there is only an empty silence. Turning corners and maneuvering around other members of the First Order, until you are at the empty docking bay. Searching, wanting to be found, find. The pull growing stronger as you come closer. You are lost, why are here? You stand in the middle of the docking looking out the exit. The bright red beam shooting out of the base. It is beautiful and terrifying. It hurts as if someone is stabbing you. “ _ Fire! _ ” Hux’s voice is echoing too loudly in your mind. But instead of feeling proud you now feel cold. Not in the normal way. Is Commander Ren doing this?! Is this his way of hurting you because it is physically working. On the floor on your knees holding your chest, it is like this a piece of you being ripped away. Burning, screaming, panic. A flood of feelings that are not your own. 

_ Silence them. They are nothing now. _

Somehow that helps, those lives mean nothing, not to the Order and not to you. Standing up you fit yourself. “What in the Abyss just happened?” You ask.

_ A hole. _

Great, he talking in damn riddles! You open your mouth to yell, demand, an answer. Commander Ren does not speak again when you calmly ask for an explanation.

 

Nor, does he answer to you cursing him out.

* * *

There are talks among the troopers and a few officers of a woman on the base, normally, you would not care especially since she is from the Resistance if was not for the fact you learned the Commander personally carried her into the base. No, you are most certainly not jealous, you worried about the woman. Given the way the Commander has acted around you, you hope he does not do anything  _ unethical _ to her. Even if she is Resistance, no one should be  _ touched _ in that way. Tapping the datapad pen absentmindedly against your desk, mind wandering to that pain you felt earlier. You try to solve the mystery yourself by using logic. Heartburn? You did not eat anything that morning. A stroke? No, you are in normal condition. Commander Ren must have done something to you is a possible answer. You read once about people being connected or suddenly gaining the Force. Though those articles you read from are discounted after it was proven Midi-chlorians do not exist and that the Force is an unexplainable force of nature. This annoying you! Whatever that asshole Ren did to you want to be undone! The last time you want is a Force connection shit with him. Eyes narrowing as you believe you figured out when he could have connected himself to you. Knowing Sith lore due wanting to study the schematics of the Star Forge, an amazing piece of tech you wish you could have seen. Shaking your head you think about to the Sith lore you learned that came with learning about the Sith Empire. In the Sith code is something about through passion… Passion. “Through passion, I gain strength.” You say looking up at the door. When he-- When you let him use the Force to touch you that must have done something.

You wish you just choke him into giving the answers. All these wild speculations are annoying you. You hate not having answers, you hate not being in  _ control _ . That is the problem with all that has happened, you are not in control. The realization has you removing your helmet then looking at your reflection on the front. Control, you have no control and that’s scaring you. You can not control Ren, Hux allows you to control what happened due to the feeling being mutual, maybe?

_ You…You're afraid that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader. _

You swear to the damn Maker whoever is in your mind better get the kriff out of it! A flood of anger fills you so much that you are throwing your helmet with all you might at the door. It bounds off after making a dent in the door. Now you like to think you are strong, can hold your own, but you are not that strong to cause a dent in a solid metal door. As well as breaking your helmet. Since when do you get angry like that, or break-- well, you did break your personal datapad. Still, this is not you, not your rage, you feel someone else's rage. The Commander? Shaking your head and picturing happy thoughts. Millicent always makes you feel happy, warm inside, a reminder of a simpler time. The rage disappears. Whatever just happened now has you asking more questions. 


	13. Trial by Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren cannot let go or take a hint. Hux blames Ren for everything, and rightfully so. You... Well, you're not okay.

There a saying your father told you when you sat with him in his TIE fighter stargazing, “The bigger the empire, the more damage it causes to its people.” You thought he was just saying that. He is no traitor but you wonder if his years in service gave a ‘second sight’ of sorts. Was that a warning? Could he see the fall of the First Order after witnessing the fall of the Empire? The base is compromised, shaking as the planet starts collapsing into itself. With a victory in favor of the First Order there now must be a balance, the Resistance must strike a just as devastating blow to the First Order. No more Republic equals to no more Starkiller base. Everyone is panicking, afraid like mice caught in the middle of kitchen floor eating scraps. You are the mouse that is moving against the crowd, pushing your way instead of running. Your reason is to save Millicent. All those physical education classes and spotty days at the gym are finally put to use. It is dangerous enough with the people running but you have watch out for falling debris. With want, you could you climb over fallen vents and climb up the leader besides the turbo lift. Willing and love are your fuel next insanity. All this for a cat, not even General Hux went back for Millicent. Likely had to go since he is the most important person on the base.

You do not resent him for that, it is the chain of command.

You reach the upper levels a sweating puffing mess. It is worst on these levels then down below. You do not have time to reflect and run as quick as you can on tired legs to your quarters. The door is blocked by a fallen column, looking around you find nothing that can help you-- Wait, your blaster! It is risky and could kill you if your plan does not work. Overloading the weapon then tossing the blaster at that last minute works! But hurt your right hand. It is bleeding a lot and a few fingers are showing bone. The pain is astronomical and yet you push on to grab a scared cat. You should be crying in pain, you are tearing up at most. You should be dead, you feel damn near close to it. Jumping and sliding down down a fallen column into the lower level, you make it to the docking bay. Two ships are left, one is closing, other has its door still open.

“Hurry!” And you did.

A trooper pulls you inside by your bad arm since the other is holding Millicent. You can only see those with no helmets on expression. Shock, disbelief, one even says “For a cat?” A person on the medical staff is the one by your side when you fall to the floor. An officer is the second one by your side but they grab Millicent who is meowing nonstop. “She’s going into shock!” Those seem so far away as exhaustion, you think, is setting in. You feel your damaged arm move then a pressure on it, from the corner of your eye you see sleeve ripped off and used as an emergency tourniquet. “Stay with me.” Their voice catching your attention. When darkness starts taking your vision the medical staff member slaps your cheek to keep you awake.

The words sounding further and further away, until there is nothing.

 

The General blames all this on the idiot Kylo Ren, if it wasn’t for him the base would still be there, you would still be there. When the last shuttle arrived there was a rush of medical officers getting the wounded to Med Bay, you along with Ren are the ones in critical condition. The best are assigned to both Ren and you, Ren being a top priority even if Hux does not like it. Once again the dark Jedi is a waste of resources. Hux makes it look like he waiting for reports on Ren’s condition, he could give less than a bantha fodder about Ren, he only acts like it because of the Supreme Leader. A sharp turn of his head he sees the medical staff assigned to you leave the room, the doctor conversing until one with their head down comes over to General Hux. He only recognizes this doctor because she was seen with you a lot. A friend. “Sir,... Sir, she did not.” She cannot keep eye contact likely due to this also affecting her. “(Name), did not make it. She lost too much blood.” Unlike Commander Ren, General Hux is not choking a member of his staff for a failure out of their control. “Very well.” He dismisses her without a second thought, he needed some time. Emotions, emotions that you caused threaten to show, a weakness he blocks. He will not look weak for anyone even if grieving is normal. His mind nearly does not register that a doctor a part of the team assigned to Ren reports he is alive.

In another reality, Ren is dead without consequence and you are alive.

“Very good, keep me posted if he tries to leave his room.” It comes out as if your death is not affecting him, internally it is, his form is calm, formal. The turn, the steps, all calculated to appear that he is unaffected. That is being strong for his Order, the First Order needs strong leaders, not unstable disobedient leaders. Millicent is delivered to his quarters he notices when he opens the door. The poor girl jumps from her corner staring up at him. With light steps he walks over to her, kneeling down taking off his gloves. Stroking her dirty fur with a patch of blood. There are no cuts on his cat so the blood her fur is-- He wipes the blood off with his hand. You foolishly went back for Millicent, Hux is both grateful and displeased. Your priority should have been your own safety, not his comfort. Yet, without the comfort of his cat, he would be likely strangling a doctor. The few things he can show kindness to is Millicent, and you. He used to be kind to you. Sitting on the floor taking Millicent into his arms not caring if her fur gets sticks to his jacket. He needs the weak feeling of comfort right now. Press his head until all he can hear is Millicent’s purring.

* * *

 

Nothing, there should be something, a whisper? A light? Opening eyes then closing them tightly then groaning at the stinging pain from moving his face. The scar is fresh on his face. It takes no effort to filter out the voices of those on the ship until he can find yours. A complete absence of sound. Focusing harder he reaches out for you. Nothing. Moving hurts but it a hurt can block out. Partly. The creak of the medical bed has a doctor rushing in to advise the Commander to stay in bed. There is no hand reaching out to choke the doctor to death, the doctor drops with a loud thump on the floor. A nurse just moves out of the Commander’s way. The Force user has trouble walking having to lean against the wall to remind standing, droplets of blood marking where he is walking. Ripping the curtain off its hinges he finds your body laying there with a sheet over your body. “Report!” His voice is loud freaking out the nurse. “S-Sir?” Only a glimpse of his face as the nurse just blurt their words. “She was badly hurt and lost a lot of blood, didn’t make it when they removed the damaged arm.”

“Which arm?” The tone a bit calmer.

“Uh..”

“Which arm!?” Shouting again.

“The right arm, sir!” They remain still beside the door out of Med Bay. Only when the Commander moves to stand by your bed holding the railing on it to keep from falling on his knees, the nurse runs out of the room. Not even a second later there is a crushing sound along with sparks from the door panel, he wishes to be alone with you. Ren opens his mouth prepared to say something mocking, belittling, but nothing comes out. He is not crying over you. Crying is what the foolish boy of the past would do when he had no power to bring back the one he desires. Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, apprentice of the Supreme Leader Snoke has power. Grabbing your hand, the only one that remains. Funny, his grandfather lost his right hand. But you lost your whole right arm.  _ You do not get to die. _ The Force is power meant to serve the strong, a tool to control the weak. He has no intention of allowing you to become one with the Force, you don’t get that.  _ I will grab your Maker’s throat to get you back. _ He is shaking with forehead dripping with sweat, his wound is opening wider. The pain is fueling him.  _ Your life belongs to me, my will is your will. _ Teeth clenching as his pulling at you.  _ Don’t tell me you are just going to die after one night with that General of yours.  _ He has something, faint. He can not reach it fully.

“Please.” He finally speaks out loud.

The door is forced open by two troopers holding the door open while the General, another doctor with the nurse and a technician rush inside. Both General and Doctor freezing seeing the Commander on the floor breathing hard holding your hand. You are huffing yelling in pain held down by the sheets. “Hold her down, get him back into bed!” Hux barking orders not wasting a second, he does not understand what happened but whatever blessing this he needs to seize the moment. He even assisted in getting Ren back into his bed. At the cost of the dark Jedi’s book on his uniform. Repulsive. Once Ren is put on sedatives to allow his wound to at least. Hux ordered no bacta to be used on Ren, let that walking disaster suffer a little. A sedative is given to you immediately so you won’t go into shock. Next, a bacta tank is prepared for you due to there being extra wounds on your body. A mask placed over your face causing you to fall asleep.

“What did you do, Ren?” Are the words that cross Hux’s mind looking at you now submerged in the bacta tank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now everything is on fire.


	14. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your point of view before.....

Nar Shaddaa, a smuggler's moon above Hutta. Your mother, you barely remember her, was not from that world. She was somewhere else, a brighter happier world. The Empire took her home away. You remember that much. She never disclosure the world, it hurt too much. Your mother loved you, worked herself to death loving you. You were only eight when you found her dead in an alleyway where she worked. You vividly remember how you could barely recognize her until you saw the bracelet on her wrist that made her. She wore it even when it would dig into her skin when she… you knew what your mother was. It isn't easy for a woman, much less a single mother, in a planet like Nar Shaddaa. She was a dancer. Most complimented her saying that she a better dancer than the twi'leks. If you call that compliment. She uses to tell how on that stage and on the pole the world just falls away. She enchanted the crowd as if by magic. Perhaps it is that ‘magic’ that got her killed. You did never find out who killed her or why. That always bothered you. Someone who took away your childhood even it would have been a hard one at least your mother would have been there. With her tales about smugglers, your favorite is the Han Solo tale, and the ones about ancient planets. How she knew so much amazed you, blew your mind. “Read enough and you to can tell stories.” That smile so bright even with her missing tooth.

You almost saw her. Standing there in a field in front of a pillar. You can't make out the words, there a hole in the middle of the pillar. “(Name),” She looks so beautiful, untouched and bright. You hug her tightly. She is shorter than you now that you are older. “You look so beautiful, my baby.” She touches your face with gentle hands as her eyes see how much her little girl as grown. Her eyes are filled with love. “Oh, baby.” So bittersweet. You are crying falling to your knees crying against her stomach. “I miss you so much, mama!”

“I do too, baby.” Patting your head. “Oh, Stars, I miss you so very much.” You look at her. The sun disappearing as day turned into night. “You can't be here,” You mother hurt to say those words. “W-what, no, I want to stay with you, mama!” Someone is calling for you. “Mama, I want to be with you again!” You stand to grab onto her shoulders. “No, not yet, baby. One day but not today.” A kiss placed on your forehead before she disappears. Her clothes dropping on the ground. “Mama!” You scream up at the sky. The whispers are getting louder behind you. You look in front of you at the pillar. A triangular shape, slim, there are words. Old words you do not understand save for one word. Peace, the translated word means peace. The bottom part has a hole it, perfectly pierced inside. 

_ You do not get to die. _

A dark presence behind you has you moving closer to the pillar as if that will protect you. 

_ I will grab your Maker’s throat to get you back. _

Harsh steps press against the grassy ground, a shadowy almost deformed figure approaching you. The first that pops into your mind is that it looks like a Tuk'ata. You hear of those monstrous things from your mother’s tales! “Kriff,” Backing up until the pillar is press against your back.

You like to believe that you are a good person, flawed but good. You believed in a good cause, questionable at times, but at the core a good cause. You are understanding, moral person. Believed in the Maker that created the Force for his children. Your mother’s friend, a dancer too, told you that. You also know beyond a doubt that you are not an evil person to deserve a creature like this coming to take you. 

_ Your life belongs to me, my will is your will. _

That voice that comes close until now it just a few feet away from you. There is a chill in the air as the shadow morphs turning into a tall black shadowy figure.  _ Your life belongs to me.  _ The voice growing clearer. “No, it doesn't you nerf herder!” You yell out in fear. “Let me be!” Death, you know, is going to take you. You want to die, to be with your mother.  _ My will is your will.  _ “Shut up you delusional fool!” Why does it have to be the Commander that pulls you away from death? You do not like him at all to want him to be the reason to be alive. On more than one occasion you rather die than be around him.

_ Don’t tell me you are just going to die after one night with that General of yours. _

Hux. Your General Hux. Your beloved Armitage, how foolish he must be thinking you were. All this for a cat. You figured he will find comfort in her when he most needs it. “That is a low blow, Commander.” You figure you might as well stand your ground. Now right in front of you, the figure becomes more clear, a solid form chosen. It is not the Commander. Do not know who this person is before you. The hair is brown and there a scar over the man’s eye.  _ Leave this place.  _ Voice is different; you are not given time to work out who that is before you. 

Waking up with the Commander over you looking worse for wear is a refreshing sight. Not sure why but you are relieved to know see him. You think it is just the whole ‘coming back from death’ speaking right now. When falls on his knees a rush of pain is flooding your mind.

Your arm?!

Where is your kriffing arm!? You thrash in your bed screaming in agony. The Commander must have been blocking out your pain until you woke up. A kindness he could not keep up without hurting himself. Your vision is not the best due to the shaking and unbearable pain. You don’t even feel it when a doctor stabs a needle into your left arm. 


	15. Risky Maneuvers: The Setup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Taris, you meet your adopted mother and Hux goes to his "evaluation". With the fear that Kylo Ren will be taking command, you start setting the pieces the way you want on the board. You may be more like Daala than you think.

Several times you swore you felt your right arm needed to be scratch. Phantom pain the doctor calls it. The lost of something so important that it feels like it is still there. Almost how you felt about your biological mother. Always here but not really here with you. If you could you would cry again, but you are too tired to cry and the Commander ordered you to quote “Stop being weak”. Ah, the encouraging things he says. He is still in the medical bed currently due to him reopening his wound. As much as you dislike the Force user, you worry for him.

No one deserves to suffer. 

Your eyes study his form, still with his chest rising and falling. This is the second time you have seen him bare-chested, scars all over his body. Some old and now one new. Eyes following the trail from his shoulder to his face you see that he is looking at you. He can leave at any time but he stays. The only doctors that treat him are the medical droids, he killed one doctor and injured another. He has not moved only because you dare tell him not to, scolding him like a child. He acts like one most of the time, a spoiled bratty child. You have moved either because of the drugs in your system causing you to either sleep or feel dizzy. Though the dizziness causes you to sleep. The Commander is the one who turns his head taking his eyes off you. Maybe to sleep you guess. “You died,” He does not even sound like he is talking to you. “I brought you back.” That was informed to you by Hux who was at your side the moment they took you out of the bacta tank. “Hm, that is unlikely,” Having not forgotten what this man wants from you since day one, yes, you do not wish to be indebted to him. “The Maker brought me back.” Now closing your eyes.

“The Force was created by your ‘Maker’.” You do not take the Commander for a religious man, he only saying that to mock you and your beliefs. “My power brought you back.”

“Not yours. The Maker gives you the Force thus the power you have belongs to him.” A bottle crash onto the floor, you are far too numb to react. “Why don’t you just give up?” At this point, you have nothing to give him anymore. “ _ You are mine _ .” Again with the possessive behavior. “You heard my words, you keep thinking about it.”

“Yeah, because I’m going to file it under another restraining on you.”

The rest of day is back to an icy silence where you or he glance at each other, you sending glares at him. How can he not see you do not like him? The one time is exactly what it was, a one time! Course maybe it the mix signals you give him, caring then hating him. He can read your mind after all so must see that. But that is just the type of person you are! Caring about those who do not deserve it. The Commander is one of the few you have met.

Perhaps you will have to try harder giving the cold shoulder.

* * *

 

Time moves slowly after a defeat.

Hux will not call it a total defeat for the Resistance power has been destroyed. Now, he must prove that to the Council of Moffs. With no official elected Grand Marshal, the council was created to be the top leadership of the First Order. Your adopted mother is on that council. The revaluation of General Hux will be on the world your mother governs, Taris. The first planet was taken over by the First Order when is started pushing in the inner system. It is all the first to witness the power and order of the First Order. It is there you were also raised for a time before going to the Academy. Funny, how much the planet has changed yet stayed the same. The air is better but there are still class divisions. The lower city remains for those non-human and the poor. The upper city for the rich and upper middle class. Your mother wanted to meet you once the Finalizer was in orbit of the planet. Supposedly she ‘misses’ you ‘greatly’. A bunch of bantha fodder if you have seen it. You ‘gladly’ accepted her ‘request’.  Some days you want to kill that woman. Hux is with you which lightens the mood. After losing your arm it feels like he can help being around you in some way, or being inside of you. Sex is a tricky thing right now because of the pain you feel in your arm, he will only touch you when you permit it. He holds you every night clinging. You know he isn’t sleeping as much as before, the bags under his eyes show it along with the nights when he dims the light of datapad just to not wake you. You have not returned to duty, that you hate, with nothing to do other than play with Millicent. The poor girl needs more attention after what happened. Looking down at your feet you see the cat laying near you purring away. The General to your right preparing your clothes. Having yet to be cleared for a robotic arm you depend on Hux partly. Though he makes it his business to help you get dress. First your pants, you had to use your left arm to him onto him while he slips your pants on you. Next, socks and boots. Being ticklish made you smile more at your lover. _Lover_. You can call him that without worry. Once the lower half of your body is dress Hux allows you to do the rest. The regulation brassiere is a slip on and off rather than clips, clips dig into the FO member skin especially those who are troopers. That you can put on with one hand. The shirt and jacket are another story. The first time you tried to dress it ended with rage and tears, all in which Hux understood and did not judge you for. It is a change that came unexpectedly. His tucks in the white undershirt then help you put on your uniform jacket. Zipping it up jacket and tapping the collar into place. “Would you like me to?” You give a nod and he folds the right sleeve. You dislike leaving the sleeve hanging.

“My mother likes you.” You stay while Hux is still in front of you. Bluish eyes stare in your (color) eyes.

“Does she now?” He is amused by the idea that your mother likes him. You nod twice quickly, “Starkiller was like Sun Crusher to her.” That is when the amusement fades and the tired looks appear again. “And both were destroyed…” You had no intention of making him depressed, in fact, you were trying to cheer him up. “No, no, I-- Crap!” His eyes have left yourself to look at something else, that causing more panic. The moment he felt you move, he latches onto you thinking you were falling, instead you shove yourself on him kissing him. Kissing will not make failure that Ren cause disappear but it can replace the thought for a single moment. 

Hux adores you for this, for you keeping your spirit high after all that you endured. It reminds him that his people, and he is it, believe and will not like this failure weight them down. He starts kissing your cheek then behind the ear. “We have them on a thread,” You openly sigh out loud. “And soon will cut that thread of hope. Eliminating them completely.” It does not take long for this to escalate into more. 

Power tends to turn him on.

* * *

 

Taris, it looks beautiful on the surface, just like Daala. The witch is the first to greet the General and yourself once the Command shuttle landed. The Commander is still on broad the Finalizer until the General’s return or given the notice to take complete command of the ship. You pray that will not happen. The last thing you need is him having more you and forcing you to do… You do not want to think about that. Right now what matters is that you make sure Hux stays in power. How you will do that is still under development. “Mother,” With a small smile to greet her before she speaks. “How are you?” Playing sweet daughter with her is like playing holo-chess. “Daughter, I am well.” The fake smile on her face suddenly fades, an action you did not expect. “Your arm…” Laced with worry and care. “Are you alright?!” A damn good actress if you ever one. “I am… Better. I have my bad days.” She only touches the shoulder of your right arm. “I will have one of my doctors look at you.” Her staring at you with concern. Faker. “Armitage,” She persona going from motherly to authorize in a second. “Come to beg for exile? Death would be more honorable.” She disappointment clear.

“It is a pleasure to see you do Moff Daala. I am actually here to prove my worth something I am sure you have done before.” Seeing the war of words between a Hux and a Daala is a lovely sight. Hux knowing what and how to speak to your mother. The expressions on her face that she tries to hide, but you caught it, showing what upsets her and what has her biting her tongue. She must realize that Armitage is nothing like his father. “I look forward to your resignation, General Hux.” She sneers at him. “And I look forward to enjoying destroying what could not, Moff Daala.” 

Never have you seen a person play the war with your mother and win.

.

.

.

.

.

The apartments are separated meaning you will not be able to see Hux until the first part of the meeting is over. As much as you would want to be with him you rather not add ‘unprofessional conduct with a lower ranking officer’ to his charge. It is a hypocritical charge to you because half the Moffs in there have slept some lower ranking officer at one time or presently in their career. Tapping your hand on the holo-screen on the wall you look at the map of Taris, the parts you are allowed to travel. Likely the meeting will not until the evening giving you time to see that doctor your mother wants you to meet. Leaving the apartment you notice that you have an escort, a dark First Order stormtrooper, a rarity to see due to them being assigned to those of higher positions. Not even General Hux has one. Though you think Captain Phasma is enough. The dark trooper is quiet resulting in twice you forgetting they are with you. Twice you had to look at the Taris map to make sure you are going the right way. Once you are able to the find the second First Order base, clearance had to be checked then you processed to the medical wing of the base.

“Ms. Daala, it a pleasure to meet you.” A man, old and wrinkly, soft nimble hands. You do not bother to correct the doctor about your last name. “Your mother sent word you would becoming, have a seat I will have one my aids do a checkup before anything happens.”

“Thank you, sir.” His smile is wide and white.

When the nurse or aid as the doctor calls them, she a woman younger around your age. “I will be asking you a few questions. Just a minor check up to update your file. The doctor saw you have been post-boning your physicals.” True, you did not like feeling studied. “Understood.” You are not looking forward to this, especially during the tail end of the questions.

“Have you been sexually active in the last month?” 

Closing your eyes you take a deep breath before answering, “Yes.” Tapping follows.

“When was your last--”

“The last time I had my period was last month during the end of the month. And no I have not been using a birth control.” Places like the doctor's office make you tense and cause anxiety to raise up. The nurse blinks twice before tapping away then moves to leave. “He will be with you in a moment.” The tone is kind and pitting. She must think you are scared which you are. 

The ticking of the analog clock is not helping nor realizing this must be a trap your mother set up. It has to be! “We have some options here for your arm,” All look nice, there is even one that is solid metal with the First Order emblem on the shoulder. Very edgy. “We also have one that practicality feels like a hand. Helps lessen the phantom pains.” 

You chose the robotic skeleton arm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there a Winter Soldier reference. Am I a shame of it? Nope! thank capnwidow for that ;)


	16. Risky Maneuvers: Underestimation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should not be underestimated, Hux realizes this.

Taris is one of the few planets that survived a bombardment and blockage by the Sith. Then after the Galactic Civil War, The New Republic lost it to war-like alien and the First Order saved it. That is it, Order should have moved on but instead, the Council of Moffs made this their meeting grounds. The planet is not an official capital like the way Coruscant was to the Republic. No, this place is merely symbolic. The first conquest the newly born First Order had, that lead to many more victories. It was Natasi Daala along the other Moffs that started to make this planet of importance.

A memorial.

Taris once taken over the First Order created a memorial for those that have died in service in the Galactic Civil War. Now it also a symbolic place to those that served in the Empire. Something for the older generation to hold onto while they remembered their days of glory. Looking up at the statue of the late Grand Admiral Thrawn, you wonder how things would have been if the Order obeyed the treaties the New Republic had made. Would that have saved them from an agonizing death? Or maybe nothing would have changed besides timing. Looking down at the clean white ground you wonder how your biological mother would feel about all. She never came off passionately hating the Empire, but that may be due to you being only a child. And saying they destroyed her world guess that should be enough reason. You do not want to think about her disappointment but that is all you can do.

You are not from the Imperial legacy that always comes up in your mind. You were old enough to remember your mother, bits, and pieces, unable to forget her like the other children you had seen in the Academy, t o be programmed so easily... Shifting your gaze you look forward as you started walking back to your appointment. Take some painkillers now the pain is starting slip back in.

.

.

.

.

.

.

At one point or another Daala was bound to find out about your virginity being lost. The woman acting likes she cares when forcing doctors, at the time you were a child, to check on you. You felt like a pet, groomed to her liking, taken care of to ensure that her legacy lives on. Thus why she dyed your hair a color like hers, why she wanted you in a position of command, and now why she in your apartment ranting about the medical exam. You are very sure the person who gave her those files is breaking doctor-patient confidentiality. “When did you plan on telling me about this?” You knew what she is talking about, acting like it matters that you are no longer pure in body. “Honestly, never.” Not even looking at her while she speaking. You are sitting down on the oversized couch laying down with your hand over your stomach. “I have a right to know about such things as your mother--”

“You aren’t even my real mother.”

There a chill in the room, a dead silence that follows that statement. You are right, she is not your real mother or a mother at all. Daala shallows the words she was going to say, sitting down at the edge of the couch close to you. “Do you truly hate me that much? After all, I have done for you.” Acting as if it hurts her to know a truth that you never hide. Your steely eyes narrowing in her direction, sitting up you look at her right in the face. “My hair is (color) not red like yours. My last name is (L/N) not Daala. I am a daughter of a dancer from Nar Shaddaa, I will never know who my father is and born out of wedlock. I’m not yours in blood but only in some data file.” That is the cold hard facts that constantly had haunted you. You had a life before the First Order. You are no child of the Empire like Armitage, Mitaka, or the others in the First Order. You are a foreigner, knowing tales about the legends and dreaming to become one. Your mother suffered because of the Empire and here you are adopted by the person from that time.

“If it is any constellation I slept with someone of a usefulness.” You hate having to talk about Armitage Hux in such a way. Natasi took a sharp breath nodding making a ‘tsk’. “Who?”

“Does it matter?”

“Indeed it does because if you end up pregnant I want to know whose head is going to roll first.”

“I don’t think that will happen.”

She scoffs at you, “Says the little girl not using birth control. Not even I was that stupid with Tarkin.”

“Oh, I thought by his age he would stop making sperm.” Oh, you do not care if that is a dab at the long-dead Grand Moff. it is well worth the glare she gave you, it outmatched yours. “The boy, now.”

Getting comfortable you smile at her, “Why the very man the Council of Moffs are trying to use as a scapegoat.”

“Brendol’s bast--”

You raise an eyebrow, “Now mother that’s rude.” Your eyes following her as she stood running a hand through her greying red hair. It is the first time you heard Daala laugh, it is not loud but you can hear it. A pat lands on your shoulder, “You know the position you have put me?”

“I do indeed, mother.” You are no fool. Even though you had no plan on using your relationship with him to get what you wanted, you take what you could. “What are his chances of him no longer being General?” When one is around the man of power it tends to rub off on you.

“Four out the six Moffs believe he should be punished for the destruction of Starkiller base.” You look at her hand, “Are you one of those four.” Her head turns away then shakes. “No.” Moving you lift yourself up from the couch standing tall, “That is a start.” Considering Natasi is a hard ass that means the others are just out to get Hux.

* * *

 

They are trying his patience but after spending five years around Kylo Ren, Hux learned the patience of a damn Jedi Master. The constant questions, all the same, but worded differently, followed by accusations. Most towards his dead father; the sins of fall down to his children. The General was not going to entertain them the idea of executing him publically or a humiliating exile to Stars know where. No, he worked far to hard to take the fall for Ren’s massive and expensive screwup. And if not for himself, leave you with that idiot. Failing to protect you is very much not an option. Hux glance over at quiet glaring Moff Daala to his left. Studying him or lost in thought he is unsure. After few hours Daala is one to call for a recess to give time for the council to deliberate. Given confirmation to leave, the General walked out of the chamber as if nothing had ever happened.

Wandering down the halls of the Taris government building, it is easy to for the General the whispers of sharp words on the subject of him. Most use the fact he is a bastard son rather than his skills to judge him. Supply words. Disrespectful ones that will have the owners' tongues cut off. Hux did not see the appeal of the planet. Just another world plagued by social injustices, none in which he has the power to fix. The Council of Moffs makes the First Order look bad by not keeping their promises. The upper city, lower, and the slums of this world still exist along with the planet’s corrupted system. 

Hux would have blast this world away if was not high importance on file. The Moffs making the same mistakes as the Empire once had, those mistakes costing them the galaxy. Hux has no intention of allowing the First Order to make the same fatal mistakes.

Outside the government building, he stood looking out the horizon, the only perk of the upper city is the fact one can marvel at the glamour of Taris’ skyscrapers. This place long ago in the Old Republic era was called a ‘Ghetto Coruscant’ by a Senator. Hux could see it. The man only remained outside for a total of ten minutes exactly before heading back inside to see what faith has in store for him.

Maybe all the Moffs died of a heart attack, that would be such a delight to hear.

As he walked down he saw you leaving the chambers, odd. He knew better than to call out to given the current situation. The dark troopers guarding the door stood at attention, one opening the door for the General. The some of the Moffs looked as if they had seen a ghost, Daala looked pleased, others looked angry. Hux is not sure what happened or rather he is not sure if you had it in you to do what he thinks you did.

Not an insult to you but you are the least likely, he believes, could blackmail anyone. He once read a report that you threw up once after killing a creature on Felucia. A creature. 

Entering the chambers, Moff Daala is one who calls the council to order, Hux standing before the Moffs at attention. "General Armitage Hux, it is the council's ruling that will remain in your current position. Given that Starkiller base did complete its mission to destroy the New Republic, the lost of the base can be partially overlooked." Then another Moff speaks, "With that being said any other failures will result in your exile."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I love Taris. R.I.P my favorite world next to Korriban


	17. Escaping the Skinwolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from Taris, Ren is willing to give you the answers to three questions. But there is a price.

Returning to the Finalizer reminds you how useless you feel. The robot arm you inquired about will not arrive in three days and that if the order is able to be delivered to the Finalizer. Sitting in med bay for an hour now with the Commander getting his wound check; you remember you are back in the den of a Skinwolf. You hiss when the metal attachment is connected to your arm, to help adjust you until your new arm comes in. You were slouching only sit up straight feeling Ren’s palm on your lower back. “Leave.” His voice, without the voice modifier, it has a softness. Like a snake in the garden. The doctor gave you a sympathetic look before leaving the room. After dealing with him so long you do not flinch in fear. Course it does not mean you are not afraid, he has power after all. “I will be leaving soon,” Hovering over you with his palm still on your lower back. He is not moving it away or further down. His head resting on top of yours, “I am willing to answer three of your questions before I leave.” Turning causing him to move his head away, you look at him. “What’s the catch?” Like the Abyss you are going to believe he has no hidden agenda. A smirk follows, “In my quarters.” His turf not yours or in public where Hux can save you. He can sense the conflict you feel then resolve.

“Your quarters.”

You breathe after the door shuts behind him. And just when you were on a positive high from returning with Hux back to the ship. With sore legs, you might add. No, Hux and you did not have sex on the Command Shuttle, Stars know you would not want to give a show to Lieutenant Tavson. Though the drained look on his face makes you think he has possibly seen it all and does not care anymore, poor man. Working as a pilot for the Commander, who you heard far surpasses even the best TIE Fighter pilots, must be hard. Hux had you right after the meeting as ‘thank you’. A full day with the General is well worth the guilt you felt.

With a hop you get off the medical bed, adjusting your clothing as well. Commander Ren had not stated a time and given that during the night shift officers on duty is scarce. You decide it is best to meet while it is still the noon shift.

.

.

.

The fact Commander Ren’s quarters is only a few feet away from the trash compactor never escaped your notice. Surely Hux must have known this and gave the Commander this room out of spite. These two men are like two rancors fighting over scape, and such a seen is bloody.

It ends where it begins.

The last time you were here it was to fetch Millicent, unwilling. Now you stand in front of his door to find answers, willing. Not even raising a hand to press the button on the door panel. The door just slides open and you step inside. Now you must survive inside the cave of the Skinwolf called Kylo Ren. Being back here is surreal, lucky, Ren ss dressed this time, but with no helmet. “Commander?” Drawing his attention from the floor. He is sitting on his bed with his hands on his knees. “Fleet Technician.” He replies. You shallow before speaking again, “Sir, what did mean by  _ a hole _ ?” His looks at you studying your face. “Come closer.” You frown. “You promise--”

“I made no promises. Now  _ come closer _ .” Your body moved on its own closer to the Commander. Now you stand in front of him only a step away from being between his legs. “Please…” Desperate for answers has you in his grasp.

“There are rare times the Force will awaken in those that have no traces of it,” He is not looking at your face but at your chest. You can not tell if the gaze is on your breasts or your stomach. “You have been gifted at such a late age.” The last statement is said in a whisper. “Next question.” Barking at you causing you to flinch.

“How did this happen?”

“A massive loss of life can cause the Force to do what it needs to stay alive.” Is the Force alive? You what to ask more questions now. Having a lack of in-depth knowledge of the Force the answer makes little sense. “One more.” His gaze goes lower, you feel like a bag of meat.

“Why…” Taking a deep breath, “What do you want from me?” Finally, he looks at you but only after you are forced to your knees before him, frozen in place. You are trying very hard not appear terrified. “You are too bright.” Bright? Now your expression is confusion. “There is something about you,” Tugging you so you are snuggled between his legs. “At first it was nothing. Assuming your light would be snuffed out. Yet, here you are  _ glowing. _ ”

“I can't glow, sir.” You believe he is crazy now more so than before. “Not physically… that to the untrained eye.” The anger in his voice unnerves you. You are alone in his room you know, feel, what is about to happen next. The coy expression returns, “You like that wouldn't you?” Eyes widen at the feeling of his nose touching yours. “For me to violate you. Run back to your General for comfort. Hm, or would you stay here begging for more.” Resisting you turn your head far as possible so you do not feel his lips against yours while he talks. “I could snuff out that light, corrupt you.”

Why is it that every time he talks to you it makes you feel sick. You do not voice that view in fear of what consequence it will have. When you touch his face there a panic just for a second on his face. Figure he is not used to being touched. Shoulders rolling he pushes himself back. “The pull to the light.” Eyes hardening as they look at your soft shining ones, you are holding back from crying before this monster. “What do you want in return?” Because there is a price might as well get it over with. 

It is now you that senses the conflict in him. The strongest feeling you sense is desire but it tempered. “A kiss.” Closing your eyes you breathe through your nose. A kiss is the lesser of two evils, the second being sex. This a game to him letting you be the one who kisses him first, he wants you to submit yourself to him.

You are not a great kisser. Hux knows that very well and now so does Ren. Holding yourself against him by wrapping your arm around his neck. His hand going to your waist pulling and pushing you on his bed. It takes sheer will not to fight or just shove him back. Especially as that one hand on your waist travels down to your thigh, lift it up to his waist. The soft lips of the Commander leave you lips after stealing your air, you can taste him in your mouth still. “Stop.” You are out of breath but not out of your wits. “Just a kiss. That is what you wanted.” The look on his face speaks volumes he was never told no. The man’s hand is off of you as well as his body pushing off the bed, a step back, now the Skinwolf stares down at you. Cautiously getting up adjusting your uniform with your hand, looking at him all the while. 

You escaped the quaters but not him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Battlefront 2 Kylo is kinda hot but scary af - Me as I character study Kylo Ren like a weirdo


	18. Love is Weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, a smile and greeting are what started all this. Hux finds his feeling for you deepening.

It is attachments that cause the fall of Jedi and Sith alike, it is the attachment Darth Vader had towards his son that cause his fall. Though to Ren, Vader completed the ‘Rule of Two’ by killing his master. Not all apprentices achieve this feat, most break the ‘Rule of Two’ or wait for when their master is at their weakest. Passion is what fuel the Sith, a anger, angst, greed, and even love. Love is a tricky tool to use. Love has taken the great Darth Revan from the path of the Sith back to the path of a Jedi because of the Dark Lord’s love for a Republic pilot and Jedi Knight. Yet, love cause Jacen Solo, Ben Solo’s first older brother, to fall. Along with other circumstances. Love brings attachments, Kylo Ren does not want an attachment to you, a weak Fleet Technician. But, the choice is out of his hands. The Force, a divine force pulls, pushes, and even shoves its children wherever, whatever side, it needs them to be. Bringing together whoever it pleases. That is why the Supreme Leader has not ordered Ren to kill you, using you to draw Ren closer to the void that is the dark side. No, the Force playing twisted matchmaker bonded you and Ren even though Ren had not sensed a strong link to the Force in you.

That day he first met you.

The transfers meeting Mitaka organized to inform Hux of the new crewmen arriving. One, in particular, you, is a unique addition. The last Fleet Technician on the Finalizer Ren killed  _ accidentally _ during his burst of rage. You are particular due to your availability, the last ship you had been stationed was destroyed. The Devastator was the first and only ship to have fallen to an alien race from the Wild Space. The First Order had only once dealt with the race being so far into the Outer Rim. The admiral of the ship sacrificing himself by ramming the Star Destroyer into the enemy ship. His name escapes the Commander. Maybe it was the Force that guided you to the Finalizer, Ren does not believe in Luck. Meeting several days after you arrived, maybe because you were new, smiled at the Commander. A welcoming warm smile. “Good morning, Commander.” You said standing waiting for him to pass first in the hall. He stopped only after a few feet away from you, watching you walk away with a handful of tools in your arm. Never again did you greet him since you were mostly in the lower levels of the ship. Such moment should not stick out to him but it did. It does. When he closes his eyes behind the mask letting the Force be his vision he can see you. A bright blue besides those grey or red. Hux is the only one besides himself completely red.

The Force’s way of identifying the dark side from the light side.

It was only going to be a matter of time that your light will fade… Just a matter of time. A time that never came, in fact, time only made your light shine brighter. The scavenger girl, if he had enough time to see, most likely has your light. Maybe grey after tapping into the dark side to.. Escaped him. The will of the Force is leading to something. What he does not know. 

The training, the next step to completing his training, should provide answers.

 

Why else would he be on Korriban the homeworld of the Sith?

* * *

 

_ Apathy is death. _

Your arm hurts as if fire is touching your skin. The bedsheets are kicked away in your sleep then you turn to lay on your right side.

_ I hate you! _

The throbbing pain getting worse and worse until you are forced away, sitting up quickly. Face covering in a sheet of sweat along with your tank top. It takes you a second to recognize where you are. Hux’s quarters with no Hux beside your bed. Probably passed out on the couch. The cold air in the room causes you to pull the sheet back on you. Your heaving chest feeling tight until you calm yourself. Imagining yourself in your father old TIE Fighter looking up at the stars, he voice telling you about his days flying across the stars. You miss your father greatly being one of the few things your new life made you happy. He is your favorite person in the galaxy. The minor panic attack fades leaving only exhaustion. Ren left hours ago now, you should feel at peace. Well, partly. Being hurt and feeling like traitor you told Armitage what corresponded between Ren and yourself. His only response was a nod. A nod! Honesty, you aren't sure what that means at all. Is he mad? Disappointed? Your friend suggested that Hux might be a watcher so maybe he is turned on by the idea of watching be screwed by another man.

That is debauched.

You can not understand how that can turn on anyone. You have seen pornographic films before, everyone has, none had turned you on. For a while, you thought maybe you do not feel sexual arousal. So far you learned you can only feel that desire with someone you hold dear. That someone is just outside the bedroom. You need him, you want his comfort.

Getting up grabbing his robe to keep warm you open the door, he isn't sleeping. The General is behind his desk pinching the bridge of his nose. The cup of coffee-tea must have run out by now. “Armitage,” Walking over after he looks over at you, you catch the slight twitch of his lips seeing you in his robe. “Would you like me to get you some more?” Touching his cup. In another life, Hux will have the luxury of making you his wife. In another life, you would have two kids by him and living on Naboo. He knows how much you adore that world from what holovids shown. “No, I’ll be fine,” Looking back at the screen but deciding to stay looking at you. A click before his speaks again, “Come here around the desk.” You follow obediently. He draws you onto his lap, your legs open and hanging off the chair. “Armitage--” A leather covered finger presses against your lips silencing you. “Not now, kitten.”  
The nickname makes you feel warm.   
“Open your mouth. Wider.” He looks pleased when you open your mouth wider for him. Slipping his finger inside followed by another. “I must admit,” Fingers rubbing themselves on your tongue. “Learning that Ren kissed you displeased me. More so tasted you.” The corner of your eyes watering as his finger go deeper into your mouth. “Again, you allow him to touch you willingly.” More like dubious consent if you could call it that. “I want that taste out of your mouth.” Finally, he removes his fingers causing you to cough. He turns the chair having you press against him and the edge of the desk on your back. Normally if you hadn't known Armitage for long this behavior is not something you like, but you do and you know this is _his_ type of foreplay. Hand placed behind your back by one hand. Robe opened enough to stay on, the tank top is lifted up above your breasts. You whine at the way his hips rocks up against you, his hard on rubbing against your clothed crotch. Hux is a interesting man. Some days he wants nothing but to grope your ass or spank it, he learned he can't do that a lot. You do not have the highest pain tolerance. Other times, he loves your chest. Licking your collar bone, biting softly against the bone. As he is doing now. Travelling downwards, free hand gropping the flesh, index finger and thumb rolling your nipple before tugging. You groan then sigh when his tongue licks the other nipple. “General,” Saying his title sometimes gets you mercy. “Please.” Not today. Instead it get you a bite on you nipple causing you to yelp. “Sir!” Pleasure and pain the tools he perfected now used on you. A pop from his lips detaching from your breast has you blushing harder. “Ah, so you remember who makes you feel like this?” As if you could ever forget. “Tell me: You would open your legs for Ren if he ordered you to?” You shake your head viciously. “Answer me, kitten.” There a playfulness in his voice, deep in there.

“No never, sir!” That rewards you with a release of your hand. You are quick hold onto him. “Good answer but I am not convinced.” The chair is moved back until it is touching the wall, now it is your move. Slipping down having his bulge in front of you. It is the General that performs on you, he likes the power he has over you during oral sex. Releasing his cock from his pants gets you a sigh, licking him get you a chuckle. He thinks you're adorable. Putting him in your mouth, oh, the beautiful groan he releases is well tasting the bitter precum. The taste is not good like how the holovids or books make it out to be. His hand brushes your hair away from your face then holds onto it. Given the lack of skill you let him guide you. The patience he always displays to he knows puts you at ease, vulnerable to him alone. “Yes, good kitten.” Prasing he learn gets you to almost seemly purring. Purring like a cat. You can do that by rolling your tongue making a purring like sound. Thus why you are  **_his_ ** kitten. He growls fisting your hair tightly. “Up.” Desperate. You have him desperate.

“Turn around. Good.” He stands behind you taking you hand and putting above you head. “Hold the desk.” He warns. You just had a second before his inside of you, no matter how many take he takes you, he is overwhelming.

Not in a bad way.

“My loyal officer,” Talking into your ear. “Taking me so well,” He talks because he wants to always know that he is taking you. “Tell me if-- Kriff,” You rock towards him. “Order you to.” The rest of his inquiry has you tearing up. “Please.” The fact he is a sadist is not something you care for.  “Only you, don't be cruel.” You know he would never order you to sleep with the Commander, Hux is too selfish, but the thought scares you. “Yet, I am.” His voice is not helping stop from cumming, Armitage Hux’s voice is laced with some sort of eroticness. “A gentleman would take to bed,” You cry out as your body releases, cunt squeezing him, it is hard for him to hold back from cumming right there. No, he has time even as the morning alarm on his datapad goes off. Slipping out just to turn you over and renter you. That body he has come to crave arching off the desk, you hand reaching out and grabbing his shoulder. “But I shall have you here.” Thrusting harder with rhythm, no signs of letting up. “S-shift.. Ah!” Eyes closed, body moving on its own as over sensitivity is kicking in. “They can wait. I can not.” It hurts when he bites your neck, a mark that will show. “I should take you in your office, remind you everyday you place.” Not degrading but passionate. You both are close. “Armie,” You can't even say his name right, an offence forgiven.

“I love you.”

Men like Ren nor himself, especially himself, do not deserve a woman like you. Hux holds delusions that he a hero, no, is a monster of war needed to utterly and completely annihilate the Republic and now this Resistance. A woman like you, gentle, kind, lovable beyond comprehension deserves a good man. One that would marry you, give you children, and give a peaceful life. The admiration and the now love you give to Hux so easily, so  _ willingly _ . If this is what Ren was after than Hux is far more pleased to have obtained you first. Funny, how your confession has both him and you cumming at the same time.

It has you both exhausted.

He pulls out of you falling back into his chair while you remain out of breath on his desk. He can see his cum leaking out of you, the sensation having weakly closing your legs in embarrassment. May you never change is a thought that crosses Hux’s mind. Tucking himself back in his pants, he stands helping you up.

“Shower with me.” His enjoys your need for affection after sex. Actually he joins your need for affection in general.

“It will have to be quick.” He give a small smile at the glee on your face. So simple.

“That will be fine.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kotor 2 is great and hurts me.


	19. Little Ol' You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection on your time before and after being on the Finalizer 
> 
> Note: Filler Chapter. Something a bit sweet for the reader before I enter the TLJ timeline.

Once in the Academy, you heard about a Hux, the father, and son. The son you figured was many grades above you. It felt like that. You saw him in the halls while you were in training. Back then even to the present, you have a thing for redheads. There a tale about redheads, people created when a star dies and reborn as a redhead. You like red hair, not yours. Yours was fake, hair dyed to a red your adopted mother wanted. You believe the star that died to create her became a black hole. Once you sneaked a look at the son of Hux during his stop at the shooting range. So skilled and patient even when he missed a target. You had wished you were the blaster, a crush developing. One you knew could never become more. He had a select group of peers around him. You heard rumors they were ones who hacked the Command test program so that they would pass.

No proof ever founded.

After the Academy, you never met, saw, or heard of Hux. The son. The father, you had met once on the _Devastator_ , the former General always creep you out. You felt for any of the female kitchen staff that had to see him, especially the pretty ones.

When you were stationed to the _Finalizer,_  it was there you saw the young Hux in all his beauty. Like good fine smuggled wine, this new General Hux is beautiful like the brightest star in the cosmos. Oh, how you were delighted to be here, not so happy about how you got here. You missed your old crew. You had friends there, a better understanding of the ship, and happiness. But on the _Finalizer,_  you got parts of that and even a boyfriend-- For a short time. Your friend, your roommate, set you up with this officer. A high rank but not that high up. A good guy but moved too fast. It was after a month of dating that he felt he and you should “Get to know each other better” as he put it.

That did not end well.

The break up was called by him, full of anger and resentment. At first, maybe for a long time, you blame yourself. You did not feel sexual desire, Stars, not even romantic emotional attachment. A few who knew chucked it up to you prefer women. You weren't sure since you found Captain Phasma attractive but not sexual. It had you believe that maybe something is wrong with you.

It hurt for a long time.

When Millicent came into your life it was by her being inside an exposed console. It was one being repaired after some faulty wires melted inside. Everything was cleared out of the console when you found her. A purring affectionate cat sitting calmly inside the empty console. Naturally, you had to take her in. You cared for her for a full day.

It was after your shift, hiding her from your superiors, that you learned she belonged to the General. You thought he would be the type to care for a cat. Probably thought he would microwave them. Yes, he also scared you.

Delivering Millicent, her name on the tag, to the General’s office scared you. Mitaka was kind enough to pat your shoulder thanking you for finding her. He had been looking for her all day. When you entered the office the General looked so… Human? He is human of course but so normal. No greatcoat and his uniform jacket opened at the collar. “S-Sir,” Holding the cat close. “I found your cat.” It had at the time took a lot to speak to him. You were used to having the Lieutenant being the middleman between the General and yourself. He head snapped in your direction, standing up quickly. You came closer just to hand the cat back to her owner. You are not hurt or nothing when he inspects Millicent. You would do the same. “I found her in an empty console. She is a very lovely cat, sir.” It could not be helped but to smile seeing the General pet the cat affectionately. He stopped after a minute coughing in his hand not holding Millicent. “Thank you, Fleet Technician.” A nod. “Dismissed.”

You took a single step back to leave but stopped. “Sir, if I may suggest?” His eyebrow his raised. “Maybe giving her a toy to play with might stop her from running away. I use to have a cat--”

“Fleet Technician, how you like to care for Millicent?”

Looking back then you were too afraid to say no, looking back you are grateful for saying yes.

The months together you now realize was really a feel each other out. Hux is the only man you told about your morals. You had given your boyfriend an overview, it was enough to cause the breakup. Hux sat on his couch casually with a drink in hand. You sat a seat away from him on the couch with Millicent on your lap. Smiling so much that after a bit your cheeks hurt. You have no shame about smiling, unlike most officers that tailor their emotions. “I see,” He would say a lot. “It is a rarity for one to hold close to their moral code.” His words captivated you. “You morality is not a flaw. It makes you who you are, a good loyal officer.” You remembered tearing up and repeatedly excusing yourself. It was words you needed after so long of believing you were messed up.

“Thank you, sir.”

“You may call me Hux when in these settings.”

You felt exult. “Hux.”

 

The time you gave him your virginity is one you will always hold dear. The lost is special and possibly the bigger cause for your love towards the General. Now the second time was rather funny. Trying it in the shower nearly caused Armitage and yourself to fall. In fact, you both did fall. You couldn't help but laugh. It also then that Armitage how affectionate you can be. Kissing him with no motivation to bed him. It was love. You loved--love him. The third time was when you started experimenting with what the General liked.

You do not like pain so when he spanked you it freaked you out. When you calm down he asked if you wanted to stop. You said no. It is then you learned it is really you who holds the power. He will only do something if you agreed to it and stop when you want. The power he has is the one you give him. Experimenting with what makes you aroused and what does not.

You do not like face slapping. It hurts you.

You like spanking only if he promises not to hit so hard that you can not sit.

Degradation is a tricky thing. Once you felt uncomfortable about being called a slut. So Armitage changed tactics as if this a war. Degradation along with praising as you reacting deliciously. He said that.

Every time you both had sex he cares for you. Aftercare something you did not he felt is important.

 

Course not all of it was just testing his kinks on you. Oh, no. You have read enough smutty literature to have some ideas.

The interrogation one is one that surprised him. Not so much that he did not try it. Hux did, however, state that he will not use the interrogation for “recreational use” plus cameras. No one should be allowed to see your face in that moment. You like how selfish he can be. You both make with using a chair and cuffs.

At first, it is hard for you not to laugh, you are nervous. Before it happens Hux does give you a safe word and assures you that he will stop if you want. Once settled it only takes a minute before he the cruel General Hux of the First Order.

By the end of it, you are both exhausted and your back hurts from being fucked in the chair. “We can try this again… Maybe on something other than a chair.”


	20. Chip on the Wall of Morals: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection on Kylo Ren has you realizing the man is more three dimensional than you thought.

The Medbay you have come to know too well after weeks of having to go to checks ups for your missing arm and for getting a new birth control chip. The old one removed and the new one added to your left arm. You stare at the reflective glass in the room, studying yourself. The changes are easily noticeable now. Breasts slightly bigger, hips wider, your face also lacking the light you had. No, you still that light about you, you like to think. You are tired, emotional and physically. Lifting the nub of an arm up as the medical droid begin installing your new arm. On the ship you do only reports and assign technicals, occasional going to the engine room to see the progress. Dull life has become after Starkiller to the point your relationship with Hux is starting to feel the strain. Sex, only sex is the time you get to have him around. The expression angst on your face from the pain of the arm and heartache; the honeymoon phase it over. Nowadays you find yourself thinking about Ren, worried about him. Maybe it is due to the  _ connection _ you supposedly have with him. You believe the Maker is not cruel to use the Force to bond you to the man, he has done nothing to earn it. Yet, you worry. Again, maybe it is just because of your kind nature. A shiver travels down at the feeling of cool metal against your skin, the droids move away. Taking your eyes off the glass you study the robotic arm.

 

_ “He’s more machine now than man.” _

 

That sensation returns, voices that echo outside of your mind, you look around. Nothing has changed. No, feeling of dread but now a feeling of hurt, love lost. These moments have started to happen more often than you wanted. Most of the time in dreams. A tall man in black robes standing in front of a burning temple with a blue lightsaber in hand. At first, you thought it was the Commander, he is the only logical choice. But, no, it is not him. Ren feels different if you could put it into words. An darkness that threatens to swallow the first sign of light it sees. That man in your dreams only feels regret, anger, sadness. While Kylo Ren is lost, the man in your dream knows where his road is leading him to. You want this Force fodder to stop! It is bad enough you lost an arm, now you have to be Force-sensitive too?! Most people might be happy or a bit scared only to embrace the change, but not you. No, you know a fair amount of stories to not want this supernatural power. Several blinks do not stop the tears from falling down your face.

This is too much.

The whole idea of change not only in body but psyche. The Maker must be punishing you for your immoral choice! No, the Maker is not cruel, that is just you looking for something to blame. The Commander can be blamed rightfully but yourself as well. He got to you and you broke down. He found a weakness and used it to play you like a flute.

Maker, the thought of his kiss-- that kiss that left you blushing for an hour. His lips are soft, chappy, but soft. It gave a false sense of warmth. And his body. By all the stars in the universe, he covers you so well that you could hide in him. Your robotic hand along with your normal hand cover your face.

“What is wrong with you?!” Voice below a whisper scolding yourself for such thoughts. **_That man had threatened to rape you!_** May not have said it outright but you knew what would have happened if Hux had not been involved.

But the thought.

The thought of the Commander, if the General had not been there, Ren the dark Jedi holding you down. You visibly cringe not because of the droid checking your arm after you took it away from your face; how could you want such a thing?! Which you do not, but in the back of your mind, deep down, the erotic image is there. Him holding you down on the bed. Your back to him, face pressed against the bed. Eyes blurry and cheeks stained with tears. Voice is cracked also gone. And the Commander is behind you, touching you. Body betraying you giving in so easily to his hands and power. A power that caresses and soothes you. The hand gripping your hair messing it up, other hand nails digging into your bare hips. You hate that you imagine how he would feel in you. The only hint you had was from the projected dreams from Ren to you and from when he got you off at the Kerroc base. You may not like the pain but he does not care.

Your shoulder twitches at the wiring done to your robotic arm.

He hurts, too much, he does not care. You imagine him with either no mask or with the mask only saying “ _ Mine.” _ Over and over until it is all you know. Nearly tempting you to believe you are his. When he cums, unlike Hux the first time, Ren cums inside of you.  _ “Take it.”  _ Degrading you. Such a crud fantasy hurts you, hurts your moral standing.

You do not want him to touch you.

You hate these thoughts of the Commander.

You strongly dislike him!

But, the thoughts are there in the background as if mocking you in the shadows. Just like him. Just like how he would lurk in your mind to see whatever he wishes to see.

 

_ “So you think of him like this?” Mocking knowing how sometimes your mind wanders to Hux. How the General holds you, touches you. Both intimate and sexual ways. “He does not appear to be anything special,” He leans down acting as if he is interested in your work. The hand is hidden by the cowl touches your waist causing you to go rigid. “But you won't know that. Only one man can touch you. Only he can touch you.” _

 

The sick game the Commander uses on you. Gentle to cruel has your mind at times certain he is evil but other times. You believe he is lost like a child wandering in the dark. Any normal person would have just come to the conclusion that the Commander is a psychopath. Or Sociopath. You are no psychologist to be able to tell the difference truly. You just know that his behavior is not normal.

 

_ The helmet clinks against your helmet. “Sir, I need to work.” You just want to be left alone! His hand is gone but now his body is flushed against you. You resist being moved forward against the control panel, but a shove makes you. Hands bracing you, datapad falling to the floor. “Stop.” Hiding the fear you know he could sense. His hands are on top of yours. “Or what, Fleet Technician? You will call for your daddy Hux?” You turn your face away. “I hope he shoots you.” A bold statement that has him chuckling. “He could try. Just like how you could try to leave.” You know better than to move. You would end up rubbing against him in an inappropriate manner. “I will not consent to this act by you, Commander Ren.” He hums. _

 

You always say that you ‘dislike' the Commander after all that he has done to you. The angst you have been through by him. Hate. You want to hate him with all your heart!

 

_ He will always belittle your words, belittle you. That is what you believe. Maybe you appear  _ easy  _ to him? Not sure how but you know something needs to be said-- To be done. “I want to be treasured, dammit!” You yelled out with your head up. “I want to be loved! To be treated with care.” Your body is shaking down to the cell with emotion. “I want so much... To give so much, please.” His presence leaves your mind, no longer seeking. Arms wrapping around hold you in some comforting way. That tactic change. “You are a monster! You wouldn't want those things.” The helmet hides your watery eyes. _

_ “You are right.” No longer holding and moving away. He leaves you there unsure if he agrees with your works or parts of it. _

 

But Ren is a master manipulator.

 

_ During your time on the base, you suffered a wound by a electroshock. Lucky the stalker, Commander Ren, was able to save you from any real damage that could have been done to your nervous system. The cameras were most likely disabled during his time with you in the medical wing. Two days rest both to not push your body but to just get you to rest. The doctor noticed you always worked until the very early mornings. Stopping just to cat nap in the mess hall or a closet. Ren provided a comfort. Oversized holding your body close to his and surrounding in warmth. He presses his lips to your head or neck. No move to force you into sexual intercourse. Just kindness. You did not realize how much you craved affection until he gave it to you. He must know that and is using that to get on your good side. The Kiffer! When you shift away he does not pull you back or follow, he simply remains on the medical cot. When the feeling of loss has you moving back towards him, he lifts his arm then lays it back down on top of your arm. You can smell him, could touch his face, his lips are touching your forehead. “You are confusing.” Saying while your eyes close. _

_ “Hm,” His chin rests on top of your head. “You remain to focus on just one side.” _

 

It is true. Commander Kylo Ren has many sides you have not fully seen. All you know is the cold scary man or the seeming manipulator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw 21 pilots are my aesthetics for Kylo


	21. Talks and Birthplace

The night shift on the Finalizer gives you the chance to see the General-- to see Armitage Hux as a human being. He sleeps on the bed on his back, face free from the scowl and remorseless eyes. Here is just a man and you are just a woman in shared quarters on a ship. Once you dreamt about days of him and you in some cottage, kids running outside. You sit with him with his hand in yours, wedding rings shining in the sunlight. The dream you know could not happen. He will keep fighting until his death, even when the First Order rules the galaxy. The galaxy will need a ruler and Armitage is the only man, you believe, can rule justly. A finger traces his jawline lightly, he moves just a inch but reminds asleep. He must know he is safe here to allow himself to sleep so heavily. Sleep you know he needs. You refused to bed him just so he can rest, he finds your worry cute--His words.

You wonder if he has ever felt safe.

Course you do not know much about his personal life. Hux is a private man and you respect that. But, you have spoken about your past with him-- no secrets. The only thing he has told you, while drunk, is about his father. An evil man, you know that, but evil towards his own son? What type of man is that?

_ “Not a man at all.”  _ Hux spoken those words with a harsh grip on your waist. That time he held onto you for support while you walked him to his room.

Still looking down at the sleeping man, you place a kiss on his forehead before getting up. Taking his robe, wrapping it around you to provide some warmth. The living area is cool, not freezing, but enough to cause you to shiver. Sitting at Hux’s desk does not help. Opening the screen you do not try to login as the General, instead you login as yourself. The icon on the bottom, you click on it to confirm the request. 

When is last time you decide to contact your family? 

You are not sure or maybe you realized it is never. Your father would send messages of how proud he is of you. Your adopted mother… She doesn’t message you unless she wants something from you. Mainly to save face to make it seem like she cares about you. The video screen opens that has you a bit surprised. 

“(Name)?” She is wearing her bathroom with a towel on her head while sitting causal on the seat. You stare for a moment before speaking. “Mom.” Tone soft with a face that looks lost.  A face Natasi remembers from the little girl that looked up at her when you first met her. She takes in a deep breath before releasing it. “You only call me that when you are about to cry,” She leans closer to the screen. “Is this channel secure?” She asks.

You nod quickly, “We have thirty minutes.”

She hums.

“Mom, how did you… With Tarkin..” The question is stuck in your throat.

“How did I handle an affair with Wilhuff Tarkin?” Backing away from the screen resting in the chair, hand taking off the towel on her head. Hands rubbing the towel dying her hair, “Back then we had a neutral agreement. While he raises in rank so did I, love was not apart of it.” Daala staring off to the side. “Has my little girl fallen in love?” A lopsided smile on her face. Mocking you.

“Some of us have feelings which are normal, mother.” The bitterness back in your voice. “Thanks, you are a total help.”

This bitterness lasted throughout the video chat. Most of the bitterness from your end. There are moments you overlooked how she worded her words, as if trying to care about your feelings. How could she care if she has no feelings?! Unlike her you have no motivation to rule or conquer, you leave that to Hux.

“We now have two minutes left. I should being going.” Deciding it is best to just stop the arguing before she could possibly get the last word before the feed cuts off. You hand moves to click to end the video chat.

The evil redhead mother speaks again. “Wait!” She voice stopping you but not getting you to look at her. “(Name), I,” Natasi swallows. “You make your family proud.” Your eyebrows drawing close as your lips make a frown. But she gives you soldem smile, “I'm proud of you.” 

“Goodnight, mother.”

To think you could talk to her like you once did with your biological mother! Natasi Daala is an asshole, always shaming or pretending to care. Getting up after logging off the screen, you head back the bedroom. Hux is now sleeping with his back to the door. You walk in quietly, making sure not either wake him or cause him to wake up ready to fight. He once put a knife to throat when you tried waking him. He apologized but it scared you for a few days. You laid down after putting the robe back, your flesh hand touches Hux. He hums once he stops tensing. Wrapping your arm around him, you snuggle up against him.

These moments when you can just enjoy the quiet of space while being close to your lover. It these moments you keep within your heart and reminder. 

 

Not only do you want the First Order to succeed but also Hux.

.

.

.

.

.

.

During the Commander’s absence the Knights of Ren, two of them, boarded the Finalizer to as Hux put it: “Keep Ren’s interest in check.” You do not know what that means and only guess it meant not allowing Hux to have complete control. As a Fleet Technician now that you are used to your new arm, you returned to work. But, now you do not answer only to Hux but the knights as well. Funny, was not the rank of Knight a Jedi rank? Course you do not ask that question for fear of being killed for offending a knight. Both knights wore masks like their master does and wore black. Classic dark Jedi. One did not have a traditional lightsaber. Instead, that knight has a staff and the other a large blaster on their back. You cannot tell whether they are man or female due to the voice modulator and clothing. All you know that they are intimidating especially together. The one with a staff especially since they seem to tend to stalk you. Maybe they do not know that you know that they are stalking you, but you know. You pray to the Maker that the knight is not like the Commander. You can feel their presence from afar as if the Force is warning you of danger. A warning you hed. Now with them on board, you take your breaks in public places like the mess hall. After dealing with the Commander, you learned to avoid isolated spots. Also, you stopped reading your romance novels. The last one you read killed romance for you. You adore star-crossed lovers but when the writer makes the female or love interest appear weak or plain unrealistic, it turns you off as a reader. 

Plus, the two characters were not that special to have the Imperial Instructors turn them against each other. Unnecessary and realistic drama. To make it worst the female character actually believed the Empire would use the Death Star once then never again! You know if Starkiller was not destroyed that Hux would have used it again. That is the cost of war and the price to win that war. That does not deter you from loving the man any less. In fact, you love him more for his sacrifice to become a cur of war. People like that need people like yourself help them to adjust to peace. 

Pressing the button confirming a finished project you turn to walk out of the way of an officer and headed to the next section of the Engine room. “Fleet Technician,” Mitaka’s voice getting you to lift your head up. “Sir?” He hands you another datapad, taking the one you have since it the work datapad you would deliver to him. “The upgrades are to be done by the end of the week.” He states while you read over that file. The  _ Silencer _ , The Commander’s person pilot (as if he is some Darth Vader) required upgrades to parts of its systems. As you scroll down your head moves back. “Sir, why am I being sent to Y'Toub system?” Or the Nar Shaddaa system as you knew as a child.

“I was not given clearance to that information, Fleet Technician.”

So above his pay grade basically, great. With a salute, you speak again, “I will start immediately, sir.” The lieutenant nodded the walked off. 

.

.

.

At your office, all assignments were updated for tomorrow. Most technicians were doing maintenance checks that could be postponed. Once that was done you sent the request to Mitaka. The Lieutenant has to look over those you assigned in case of a 'mishap’, or plainly an attempted on the Commander's life. After Starkiller base tensions have been high. Even the fact a stormtrooper defected is kept under wraps. The only reason you know this is because of the Commander.

He wanted to you know how much of a monster he is. Detailing how he made the traitor hurt.

You are no sadist, the Commander's words creeped you out.

Seems the man, even off the ship, holds your attention, so you think about numbers, formulas, and a tune. The tune is from a cantina you vaguely can remember. The distraction helps until one of the knights walks into your office, walk in as if they own the ship.

“You are the Fleet Technician (L/N),” It comes out as a statement rather than a question leaving you to believe it is best not to talk until they are done speaking. What irks you is when they walk around your office touching things. Photos on the wall of ship plans, on the shelf the ship models, worst is when they touch your desk. Wiping a finger on the surface then bringing that finger up to their mask, rubbing their thumb to that finger as if seeing dust. You clean your office nonstop when you have time. “Hmm, you aren’t anything special. Actually weak.” Wow, you already dislike the Knights of Ren just because association with the Commander and now your reasons for that dislike just increase. The hand slamming on the desk does not cause you to flinch. Being around their master enough you have grown used to the intimating persona they have. “You are weak.” Mask looking at a helmet. You just nod, “Yes, I am, sir.” Not going to defend yourself to a person undeserving. A chuckle passes their voice modulator, “Finish whatever mindless task you have left and you will meet me in the docking bay.”

“Yes, sir.”

Is it wrong to picture them falling backwards on their robe?

* * *

 

Nar Shaddaa, the home of scum and villainy. Oh, how this makes you feel homesick to see this mudball. The knight flew a common ship not to draw attention, your clothes had to change too. A smuggler’s gear has you feeling like Han Solo. You may be in the First Order but the stories about the smuggler always captivated you. You blame your mother for telling about the man for it is that model of a man that had you for a time attracted to pilots. And smugglers got to love the dangerous types. You can not help but look out the window, studying the smuggler ships that pass by. You like to guess which one is holding a person of power that is visiting a mistress or master. “Get ready, weakling.” And now you are reminded who is next to you. Really the name calling is starting to get on your nerves. People like this dark Knight Kiffer and the Commander are not children!

Well, maybe the Commander.

Once the ship landed, you were out the ship. Mostly by force by the knight. Lucky, you did not fall out on your ass or without a weapon. Blaster pistol on your hip and a small bag, what is inside you do not know until you rendezvous with the Commander. You hope he isn’t wearing that Dark Jedi outfit, the last thing you need is a bounty hunter seeing an easy mark. Nar Shaddaa has not changed too much that you do not know your way around. You turn your head looking up at the sky watching for a minute the ship you came in leave the moon.

Now you are on your own.


	22. Let the past die/ Kill it, if you have to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly Ren will get you to kill your past.

A shock ran through your system causing you jolt up from the bed. Ren does not move, his arm reminds around your waist.  _ Sleep. _ His voice in your mind but you shake your head. A dream, nightmare maybe, spooked you. The man shifts forcing you back into the bed with him. Spooning you. All discomforts about sharing and seemingly cuddling with Kylo Ren is not brought up. This is not the first time. His robes warm you better than the blanket. Without the mask, you can also relax. Masked Kylo Ren hides his affection and taints it, manipulates. Unmasked Kylo Ren can not hide anything from you. The connection between him and yourself relieving this.

Love is not the word you would use for this. Companionship is the right word. You imagine being alone, isolating oneself for so long, any act of kindness could be misread. You can imagine because you have been guilty of it, course not to his degree.

He holds you tightly as if trying to merge you into him.  _ Sleep _ . The command is spoken again. This time you obey. Robotic hand on top of his glove one.

.

.

.

.

In training a Force User, a master would take an apprentice to a place the apprentice is familiar with. Kylo Ren chooses this placed to heighten your connection to the Force. Course he will not be using it the way the Jedi, no, he is using this place to harden you. The Fallen Jedi has been in mind, seen the hurt you felt as a child, the hurt you still have. It is that pain that leads you to work for the First Order, to bring order to the galaxy. You believed that ideal, prayed for it to happen. Interesting how you believe in a Creator while the Empire once banned religious organization in fear of people creating another Jedi Order. The First Order is similar but learned to use belief to its advantage. Altering text and such to promote propaganda. Ren has never seen you though read any religious texts also as if words are locked into your heart. That does not mean Ren could not manipulate those words to get what he needs. It would not take much since the texts he could see were old, the Old Republic, Jedi texts. How you know such things likely is due to your mother. Using you to unlock that mystery will answer questions that plagued him. Not saying the Jedi had morals, they did kill after all, but to hold texts within yourself without evening knowing what they are. Korriban had only given a glimpse of what you could be.

Another enemy or a strong apprentice worthy to stand by him.

Being on this Smuggler's Moon will be the first test to see where you stand. Yet, he knows this may not be your turning point. You glow too bright, a blue light beaming down on you as if the Light created you. The scavenger girl was similar though her light was mixed with a grey. A grey that grew during their fight. Ren had expected the same results with you after threatening to rape you. A fear you have deep in your mind. He found later you sexualized it just to cope. Unhealthy but you did not know any other way. Plus, the mix signals he knew he was giving did not help. No logic could be put into his behavior in your mind. Too many romance books, books with happy ending or fantasy have wired your mind to hope for the best in worst of scenarios.

Is that why you hoped he would not hurt you? Why you hope to love someone like Hux and hope Ren will find someone? You cared even for a monster that is bent on devouring you.  _ How sentimental _ .

Loth-cat? Ren shakes his head reminded of your vivid recollection of the times in bed with Hux. The bastard calls you  **_his_ ** kitten.

Girl, now that is something Ren could call you. Both belittling but also possessive, a behavior you both dislike and yet like. Yes, that will do.

You have been standing in front of the window for some time, Ren eyes closed can see this. Using Force Sight allowed him to see your bright blue figure standing in front dark grey objects. Below are a mix of reds, greys, red greys, and very few blue greys. Your body moves walking over cautiously then lean down studying him.

It must seem out of character to you that the Commander can be so calm, even meditate! He always appears so chaotic and rash. Then again he is quick to seek comfort in whatever way he can from you. Mainly physical. Guess he wasn't hugged much in his childhood?

He can feel fear from you, rightfully so, but there a hint curiosity. Pity as well. There is a small bit of hate but that is not completely directed towards him. It seems you could never truly hate anything. A strong dislike, yes, but never hate. He had once asked you if you did hate him, a question he asked just to bother you. There was an internal conflict before you answered with a ‘no’. The answer did not surprise him, you are too forgiving of a person. How you can be like that Ren is not sure. Maybe it is your moral code to be forgiving, but forgiveness has its limits. What are yours?

“Commander?” Your voice likely thinking he is asleep. A hum notified you that he is aware of you this causing you to step back swiftly. Ren can hear you take a deep breath before speaking again, tone bold. “Why are we on Nar Shaddaa, sir?”

There is no reply given, the bag you were to not open until you met with the Commander moves from the foot of the bed towards him. The Force, when he uses it, amazes you. You looked confused as he stands with the bag in hand, “You are here because I want you here.” His reply causes you to frown and hold yourself. “Yes, sir.” Your head down looking at your feet, you feel unsafe again he realizes. You do not know what is in the bag until you look up to see when you hear it being opened. Clothes, there are damn clothes in the bag? Clothes, he needed you to deliver clothes?! Well, he can’t walk around a Smuggler’s Moon as Kylo Ren.

Course you are angry but it turns to embarrassment when he starts getting undressed in front of you.

“Maker’s grace!” Turning your back on him with cheeks burning, you swear this man lives to torment you! “A little warning would have been nice, sir.” Hands now at your sides. Now the sound of rustling has you tapping your foot nervously. “This is not any different from being around Hux.”

You bite the inside of your cheek to try and stop a bitter comeback. This does not work. “With the General it is different,” You turn to glare only to find yourself staring. The only things his has on is socks and is underwear. Tight form-fitting boxers. “I-I… Armitage has a much better body than you, Commander!” You kick yourself for saying the General’s first name.

“Yes, because being as thin as paper is far superior to me.” It does not take a genius to realize the Commander is doing this to upset you. Your eyes do not advert from his gaze as he dresses. Now it feels like he is making a show of dressing. Displaying that body you had seen partly bare when you first met him. The pants and his boots (same boots) are on but not his shirt. He grabs it, takes a few steps until he is in front of you, then his puts it on. It requires being zipped up to be fully closed. You then realize he wants you to finish dressing him.

“We could get a few credits if you leave this open, sir.” Looking at him with a smirk. It is his turn to frown.

“Equality.” Gaze down at your shirt as he walks closer to you. If he ripped it open it would show more skin, his hand hovers to do so. Ren expected you to step away, go back to being meek, instead you dare him. Pushing closer until his hand is touching the top over your breast.

Cute.

The hand moves away to zip the shirt up himself. His eyes are looking at your form in a blatant lustful way causing you to hold yourself more. You to look away to the side. You feel dread. Dread and death both feelings you felt in Nar Shaddaa in the past. “We are here to kill to the Crimson Corsair,” The smuggler who stole a First Order transport? Guess the Commander wanted to get even with the thief. Though it seems fairly petty and whatever the transport was used for must have been done, right?  “You will assist me in finding him. You were raised here and have knowledge useful to me.” Still, once again you find yourself submitting to his will. “Anything you need, sir.” Begrudgingly say with your head down.

 

_ You mother walks with you around the streets of Nar Shaddaa. The planet can be nice if one knows where not to walk and does not get tricked into signing any papers or going in a dark alleyway. Most times both happen. You cling to your mother as she walks with your hand linked to hers. She is humming a tone that keeps you calm. You look at her calm face being aware of everything and still able to give you attention. _

 

When alone you often think of her, more so during your academy days when isolation was your friend. Now you think of her finding your way through the street you once called home. You were here for so long, at least it felt like it, the only changes are the smugglers and ships. The Commander follows close behind. He is wearing goggles and a helmet to cover his face, all you brought because of bounty hunters. You cannot take the chance that nobody might know how he looks like without his helmet. Bad enough he can't change is walk. His saber is hidden in a vest. You have your pistol on strapped to your hip. “Where are we going?” The Commander voice with the mask is so different. “Cantina. Everyone goes there to refuel and snag a job. He must be there.” You know this because you used to pickpocket people that leave out drunk. Easy marks that can be outrun if needed.

 

_ She hides you in the dressing room as a drunk customer is trying to pick her up. “I’m not an escort, sir.” She is calm in the face of an oversized Cathar. “I don’t want a cort, I want a whore.” He grabs her arm pulling her close to him. _

 

“Try to blend in.” You do not call him ‘sir’ since that can look like too many things. Mainly like you are a servant, to put it nicely. “Take the corner beside the door. You do and he sits behind the wall with his face away from the door. “What do we do now?” You really don’t want to be here. He smirks, “We wait.”

  
  


And you did. You order two drinks that were drunk slowly so you do not get drunk. Ren, you guess can hold his liquor, order four cups of alcohol. “I will be right back.” You look at him like he is crazy. “Are you crazy?!” Voice low. “You can handle yourself, (Name).” You frown at the use of your name. He gets up effortlessly passing his way into the crown like he is one of them. You swear he must have done research on smugglers before coming here. Without him, you are left alone to look out not only for yourself but for the target. The asshat. You glance around with your robot hand stirring your drink mindlessly.

“Little one?” You tense up but shake your head ignoring the voice. No, he can’t be still alive, he was old when you met him. “It is you!” A small Cathar with gray fur all over his face. Your eyes widen as you stand up towering over the man. “Narla? By the Maker,” You go on one knee to hug the old man. “I never thought I would see you again, little one.” He is tearing up you see when he pulls back to see you. “I see you become like your favorite smuggler.” Winking at you with a toothy grin.

 

_ “And Han Solo is no slaver,” She tells you well you are covered in old bedsheets. “So he sacrificed his cargo to help free the slaves from the Imperial mining rig.” You gasped in awe at the heroism of the smuggler. “Course he after, his Wookie friend and himself went back to collect the spice they stored on a nearby asteroid.” _

_ You giggle, “Such a smuggler!” You look up the hole in the ceiling up at the stars. “Mama, I want to be smuggler when I grow up, like Han Solo.” _

_ “Oh?” She lays beside you watching your sleepy eyes blinking slowly. _

_ “I can take us away from this place and get… get you a pretty dress like Princess Leia.” You fall asleep after saying those words. Your mother kisses your forehead. _

 

“Yeah,” You lie to your mother’s old friend. He had been the man to watch over you when your mother would go work. “Hey, have any new smugglers come in recently. Maybe a red one?” You ask him figuring it is harmless to ask. He looks thoughtful for a moment, “A guy in red came in yesterday with a friend, why?”

“He stole something important to me.” Not a complete lie. He chuckles shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I’m sure you are packin’ to take down a man like him.” You both sit in the booth catching up, mostly you lying to him. It hurts. You held this man close to you for so long and cried in his arms when you lost your mother.

 

_ “My dearest beloved (Name), I will always be here for you.” _

 

The voice causes you to turn your head to look behind, you as if someone touched you. Lucky, you see the Commander heading your way. “Listen, I need to go. It was so nice to see, Narla but I have--”

“Who is this?” The Commander go here before you could get Narla away. The Cathar gets out of his sit as if he could toe to toe with the Commander. “Uh, this is Narla. Narla this is.. My boyfriend.” You lean close to Ren who is tense but then holds your waist possessively. “Hm.” Narla blinks several times. “Well, you are just as beautiful as your mother was. No, surprised you go yourself a boyfriend.” He is amused. “You’re a lucky man, uh?”

“Revan?”

“Revan? Your parents must have been history nerds.”

“Yes, they were.” Ren cannot believe you went with ‘Revan’. Narla shrugs, “Just like my little one here.” He smiles softly at you. “I’ll let you love birds be.” Your hug the small man before he leaves.

“Revan, really?” Ren lets go of your waist the moment you made a move to get away from him. You roll your eyes, “I panicked. Be happy I didn’t go with Ben.” You turn around going ahead to leave the cantina. You do not see the way Ren’s hands make a fist then let go as he breathes in through his nose, his body following behind you quickly. You glance over at him walking next to you, “He was here yesterday meaning he can still be here or left.”

“Do not trust Narla.” Eyes following each person that passes by.

“Why?” You are looking forward.

“He is not the same as you remember him.”

You stop in front of a merchant forcing Ren to halt his movement, “Listen, I know him and he would not have done anything to hurt me. I helped you get info so can I at least go back to our room?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry the "chip on the wall of morals" will be finished too;3
> 
> I rewatched TLJ and I'm warning you all I about to pull out my sadist card out again. Be warned and don't freak out about the tagging updating! Not now but later


	23. Twenty-three

Most forgotten the prophecy once glimpse upon by a Jedi during the Republic. A group of five will be a representation of the balance of the Force. One of the Dark, one of the Light, one of Light in the Darkness, and finally one of Darkness within the Light. There was never just a two to represent the Force. That would be logic by the prophecy’s standard.  _Zayne Carrick, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker_ , and the boy who calls himself  _Kylo Ren_ . This vision is what your mother saw long ago and again after your birth.

But the vision changed. Those figures altered.

A scavenger girl, Kylo Ren, you, and a mysterious figure.

Looking down at the small area watching her beloved train. The prophecy long ago made no sense. Most thought there is just the Dark side and the Light side to meet it, the perfect balance. But the Force is complex far beyond anyone can understand. But now she understands and the awakening in the Force was caused by war. It knew this era will be time. There will be a loss. All those connected felt the loss of a massive death of a star system. With lost breeds new life. The new age of Force users begins. It will be like the days of the Old Republic were the Force was free, a gift and connect its children.

This brings a smile to your mother’s face. Soon they will no longer have to hide in the shadows. No, more using agents to make sure they are never discovered.

She gives her husband one last glance before disappearing into the shadows of the hall.

She will get you back.

Reappearing in the lit room with a circle in the center, your mother stands on it. Her arms hidden by the long white armored Jedi robe, one hand is revealed when she waves it causing the room the darken. A holo projection appears of Narla rubbing his hand together looking nervous. “My agents tell me you found her?” Your mother’s voice favoring yours though much more mature. He nods then looks at her, “She has been brought on my ship, but I want a raise.”

Her eyebrow rose, “Why?”

“There was nothing about her being with the First Order?!” She is not impressed with that information. She glances away for a second thinking about her next words. “I will supply you with a new ship has compensation. Now deliver her to Telos four.” She cut off the feed.

 

 

Narla growled slamming his fist on the table holoprojector in the center of the ship. This plan was supposed to be easy! Find you, bring you home, and get paid. Not, find you, find out you have an FO issued blaster pistol and hope to deliver you then get paid. His other hand slides down his face. “Do we stick to the plan?” His partner a fellow Cathar, a female, stands in the doorway with her arms crossed. “Yes, did you get rid of that blaster?” She chuckles, “Of course, love.” She walks over and sits on the table. “Don’t worry we got this in the bag.” her hand touching his face in a seductive matter. Narla sigh, “A bag full of rancors.” Rubbing the back of his neck he turns away, “I’m going to check on the cargo.” You being that cargo. The female Cathar looks at her nails with a bored expression.

Narla walks down a few steps down checking on you. You who is kneeling on the dirty metal floor with your head down and wrists tied behind your back attached a solid pole. “Hey, little one.” He sees you haven't eaten the bottle of food his partner left you. It is easy to lean down and eat, course the most undignified way to eat your food, but you needed to eat. You do not move your head up to look at him. “Come on, I’m saving you from years of regret.” Touching your head like the way he did when you were a child. You let out the loudest hellish scream that has him jolting back. “Little one?!” You lift your head up with eyes closed as you kept screaming. He had to cover his ears, “Fine be that way! But you're gonna thank me later!” He leaves you in the dark and cold. You stop screaming once you knew Narla is gone. Testing the restraints. “Bantha fodder.” You growl. You cannot believe the Commander let you get into this situation! For what just because Narla and Crimson Corsair where seen after you spoke to Narla hours ago!? You aren’t even sure that is the worse part, no, the worst part is being used as bait when your asshole Commander reminds in hiding until the smuggler he wants dead shows up.

So now you have to sit an wait. 

Kylo Ren left his wardrobe in the cargo hold in hidden compartment nearby, including his saber. Not like you could go get it. Your eyes glare at the man in Mandalorian armor standing beside the female Cathar who is trying to get you eat. You have refused to eat for a full day. The fake Mandalorian points his blaster rifle at you when you spit the food at the woman, she backhands you for that. Yours eyes not once leaving the man. Under that armor is Ren who stole it from Narla’s crew member who he killed while you were at the bar waiting for him. A snarling you eat the nutrition bar she shoves into your mouth. “Watch her,” The female Cathar touches his chest. “Don’t break her. We want to get paid for a job well done.” Eyes shifting towards you with a gilt in her eyes. “Well, don’t break her too much.” Kylo Ren nods. “Of course.” The mask’s voice modifier hiding his real voice. Kylo moves to stand in front of you blocking your line of sight of the bitch. You cough after swallowing the dry bar. Ren puts his blaster rifle down after you can guess ‘sensing’ her presence leaving the range of the cargo hold. He touches your face where a bruise has formed from the woman punching you. “I was right.” The helmet against the other non-bruise part of your face. He hand wanders to your chest unbuttoning your shirt until your bra is showing. He pulls the bobby pin off the center of your bra and places it in your hands behind your back. “Clever girl.” Praising you.

“Just hurry up and close my shirt.”

Ren has never seen you naked or completely bare not even while you were in medbay twice. He can see how uncomfortable you are so he does as you ask. Just as he finishes buttoning your shirt, Narla shouts from the upper level, “Get away from her, Nax! She isn’t a toy!” Anger in his tone. Long ago you would have believed Narla cared about you. Now you hate him. “Hold onto that feeling,” Ren tells you before leaving you along. 

 

You are freezing when Kylo returns to ‘check’ on you. Your legs pressed up against your chest, shivering trying to create some heat. “Jana,” The Cathar woman’s name. “She is planning a coup against your _friend_.” he drops a set of new clothes. “She wants you to be changed for the buyer.” He states. “She wants top credit for bringing you to a different buyer.The course has been changed to Tatooine.”

“That’s a big course change.” He nods. _Resist me._ You hear the command in your mind. Play the part in other words. He moves back when you try to kick him. “You bastard!” You are doing this a or show but you are actually pissed off at him.

You hate this plan that is putting you in danger!

 

Twice he had to come down to act like he is ‘Nax’, who you learn from Ren, who ripped into the man’s mind, is a rapist and sadist. This only causes more hatred towards Narla both hiring a man like Nax and for letting Nax interact with you. Ren knees down in front of you, “How do you?” Whispering to him. “I block it out.” You do not put it past the Commander to get a cheap feel up, he does no such thing. In fact, he undoes your chains so you can dress, turning his back not to watch. “Done.” You are dressed in robes similar to ones you have seen in holovids of the Jedi-Sith fights. You sit down properly as Ren restricts you. He stares at you before standing up again. “I look like a--”

“Jedi.” He cuts you off.

“I was going to say sacrifice but I guess both are the same.” Resting your head against the pole, “At least I’m warm.” You do not pull away when he touches your cheek. _I am here._ He can sense your fear and is reassuring you that he is here. Kylo Ren is here to protect you. You would laugh if it wasn't something you need to hear.

Bathroom breaks are given, thank the Maker. But at the cost of Jana rushing you in and out. She tosses you in ‘Nax' arms. “Put her back.” Narla is not on the ship anymore. Kylo Ren made sure he is alive but toss on some planet he does not know. “It was snowy.” Is all you get.  
Ren is not happy to have you in a valuable position.  
Considering all things you wonder why not? You are pressed against a wall, head turned away making it appear that Ren is molesting you in front of the Cathar bitch. _She is a watcher_. That revelation comes as no real surprise. _Do what you must, sir._ You cringe when he pretends to kriff you in the cargo hold. _Wander._ He does not want you to focus on the moment. _Kylo Ren._ He groans at your voice in his mind. That light never fading. You are worried about him too. _He could have done this_. Nax could have assaulted you. When Jana leaves you both alone, You pull off the Mandalorian mask and kiss Kylo, willingly. _Thank you_. He saved you in a way he may not understand truly. 

 

“The Blacksuns are going to love this,” ‘Nax’ holding you while Jana leans the way to Jabba's palace. Kylo's saber is hidden under a pistol holster on the Commander. You are only armed with your robotic arm and anger. A whole lot of anger. “What do you plan to do with your half, handsome?” You gag at her shameless flirting. “I plan to have some _personal_ time.” Hearing Ren act so out of character freaks you out, or maybe you can picture him like this. Taking what he wants by using fear.

_‘You’re afraid you will never be as strong as Vader.’_

Those words ringing in your head. Why would Ren want to be like Vader? Understanding why Hux looks up to Tarkin and Thrawn but he never wanted to  **_be_ ** them. He is his own man who can admire those of the past, learning from their mistakes. It does not appear like that for Ren, no, he  **_wants_ ** to be a Vader. 

Honestly, out of all the things Ren has done, that possible fact about him scares you the most.

You know what is like to not only worship a person but do whatever it takes to  _be just like_ that person.

Jana is driving the land speeder while you are sitting in the back with a cloth over your mouth. Jana had gotten tired of you bad mouthing her. In the hazy distance, you can see the dead Hutt's palace, a Blacksun flag hanging in the front. “Shit, shit.” You think. 

 

Jabba's palace, you have only heard or read about at this place from the New Republic propaganda or stories told by your mother. It smells like scum and villainy. You are brought before this fat older man smoking from a hookah bottle. You want to note he is really pulling off the Jadda look. You also notice you are standing where Luke Skywalker told before being dropped into a rancor pit.

You rather not have that experience.

"A Jedi." The bitch says causing that fat old man to lean forward eyeing you. Ren is standing behind you at a fair distance when a Gamorrean shoves you forward closer to the human Hutt. He sniffs you like some weirdo. "Where's your saber, little Jedi?" You tilt your head away nose scrunching up at the smell of his breath. "I'm not a Jedi." You state through clench teeth. The fat man looks over at the Cathar woman. "What she means is that she isn't a full-fledged Jedi yet!" Trying to sell you off. He hums gaze back on you. "Take to the back," As you are taken away with no resistance and your head down, you look over a Ren.

You swear if anything happens to you, you will haunt his ass.

 

The backroom is full of droids, some broken or being repaired. You know right off the back what is wrong with each droid especially the one being repaired by an idiot. You do not know the human male but you are calling him an idiot. Angry and uncertainty are the two strongest emotions you feel currently. But, it does not mean you are surveying your surrounding creating a plan of escape.

_He is here._

You think Ren is talking about his target. Being shoved into a cage you scramble to push it open after the Gamorrean. “Bastard!” Honestly, you can get out of here, such low tech security is a joke. You sit down on the floor using the cloak to cover your spot. How can this outfit in any way be effective in battle? You swear the Jedi if they all wore clothes like this, are vain. A figure walks by your cage that has you standing and grabbing the bar as you stare in shock.

Another Mandalorian armor, green and brown, camouflage. The infamous bounty hunter: Boba Fett. You never thought you would see a legend like him, you would have preferred seeing Han Solo first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This chapter came out movie like in my head. There will be a timeskip in the next chapter but just to make your heart ache like mine is while I write it. Also tagged will be updated when that chapter is posted.


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